Jacqueline's Lesson In (Failed) Recovery

Hospitalized Part Two

"Suicidal, cuts on thighs, Bipolar Disorder, depressive, severe, in therapy, therapist with at admittance, young family member with as well, must be admitted ASAP." an assistant calls. I feel panicked. "Jackie, you're just fine. You'll be given a private room and we'll monitor you so you are safe." Evelyn reassures me. I start crying. Olivia looks around fearfully. Evelyn puts an arm around her and uses her other hand to hold my had gently. My legs feel like they're on fire. They take me into an 'admittance area'. It's basically a dull gloomy room that I stay on the stretcher while papers are filled out. Evelyn is good with the paper work and she manages to explain the process of therapy and release. "You'll be evaluated by another therapist and then put into your room for the night. Tomorrow you start therapy. You stay here for three days, five tops. You then have daily therapy with me for two hours while participating in the day program and attending half a day of school. Alright?" Evelyn explains.
I sigh and nod. I'm allowed to walk back for the evaluation. "Hi, what's your name dear?" a tall woman dressed in a regal, red colored dress, with black hair asks. "Jacqueline." I answer. "Why're you being hospitalized?" she asks. I look around and try to avoid answering. "Jacqueline, answer me." she orders. "Who're you?" I ask. "Gothel." she answers. This woman is creeping me out. "Answer me." Gothel orders, sounding very controlled. "I don't trust you." I say, sounding cold. "Oh, I know best, trust me pet." Gothel says creepily. I look around and see a video camera. "I....tried....to k-kill myself." I answer softly. She writes that down quickly in case that's all I'll give away. "Why?" she asks. "Bipolar....depressive state......I hate myself....nothing gets better....forced back into school." I give away little bits at a time. "Self harm? Anger management problems? Addiction? Anxiety? Panic attacks? Trust issues? Any phobias? Eating disorders? Any other important information?" Gothel lists questions quickly. "Yes, maybe, no, undiagnosed, sometimes, depends, no, no, and my medicine doesn't work." I list carefully. "What do you self harm with?" she asks. "Blades, hitting myself." I mumble. That's written down very quickly. "How do you manage anger?" she asks. "Screaming, crying, self harm, throwing things." I whisper. She catches what I said. "Definite anger management problems...probably related to your Bipolar. You have social anxiety problems?" she asks. I nod. "Scale 1-10 how bad?" she asks. "Six." I mumble. "Social Anxiety Disorder and panic disorder with Bipolar....wow." Gothel says. "We'll adjust medication as needed. Get out of my office please and take these notes to the receptionist, pet." Gothel says.
I do as told and sit beside Evelyn. "I have four problems total. Just diagnosed with three." I say, in shock. Evelyn is just as shocked as me. "What?!" she asks. "Social anxiety, panic disorder, and anger management problems." I list. Olivia turns pink. "I have social anxiety, undiagnosed." she whispers. "I knew it!!!" Evelyn exclaims. I frown to myself and look at the white tiled floor. "Jacqueline!" a nurse calls sweetly. I stand and follow her, Evelyn holding my arm. "This is her room. We'll get medication that works into her and she'll go to sleep for therapy in the morning." the nurse says. I go in and sit on the bed. I hear a shrill scream. I look up from my own thoughts and Olivia is being held back by her arms, guarding saying she's not allowed here and she has to be locked in a room until Mom picks her up.
"Olivia!!" I cry. "She's with me, let her go!" Evelyn says, sounding afraid also. They release her and she falls into Evelyn's arms, sobbing from fear. "You're okay. It's okay." Evelyn soothes her. Olivia sits across from me as the nurse gives me my medicine. I take it and look at the people in my room. I feel a dark switch in my mood. I'm annoyed with Olivia and Evelyn. "She shouldn't see this type of thing! I.....want to protect her.....we're too much alike and if....she's around me a lot.....I'll give her my habits." I say, sounding irritated. Evelyn sits down on the bed and she tries to hold my hand. I pull away and look carefully at Evelyn. There are tears in her eyes. I've noticed they change a lot with her mood. "Your mood changed, didn't it?" she asks. I nod. "How do you feel?" she asks. "Annoyed, worried, irritated." I say. Evelyn nods. "Try to get some sleep. I'll take Olivia to the family waiting area and we'll wait for your Mom to pick her up and maybe see you if there's time, be brave." Evelyn says softly as she forces me into a hug. She's never been very professional, but I kind of like it. I can't explain why, she just helps by being very personal and caring. I hear them talking as they walk away and I feel like that's the last time I'll see my sister. Then, I'm overcome by sleep.