Jacqueline's Lesson In (Failed) Recovery

Goodbye Forever

Meg calls to me from down stairs. I release my hair from the curling iron and walk down the stairs. I'm dressed in all black, a veil covering my face. I sniffle. The doorbell rings and I open it, knowing Evelyn was coming with me to the viewing. "Hey sweetie." she says, walking into the house. Wendy runs into her at full speed, making her knees buckle. "Meg!!" I call as I pick up my squirming cousin. Meg carries Wendy away as I help Evelyn to her feet. "I'm okay." she says as she hugs me. I begin crying. The feeling of loss overwhelms me. Meg comes back in ten minutes later, Wendy and her wearing matching black dresses. "Ready to go?" she asks as she sets Wendy on the couch.
"Evelyn, I'm sorry about her, she has problems." Meg apologizes as we walk out of the house. Evelyn goes to her car and I lay in the front seat, sniffling. "Is she mad at Wendy?" Meg asks. I shake my head. "She seemed angry." she says. "She wasn't!! She's just.........she feels guilty over what happened to Olivia." I snap. "That's not very professional of her." Meg comments. "Shut up!!!" I scream. Meg doesn't speak the rest of the ride to the funeral home. We stand by the door, waiting for the exact time for the viewing to start. Twenty minutes later, my parents show up. My heart pounds as I stare at my feet. Evelyn walks up to me. She puts her arm around me. She glares at my parents, ready to have them arrested. "Evelyn, please wait." I say after pulling her away from my family. "Until when?" she asks. "After the viewing." I say.
"Fine, but they're going to jail." Evelyn says. I nod and we go back over to the others as the funeral home directors open the doors. I sit in the hall outside the viewing area, trying not to cry. "Are you going in?" my father asks, his tone cold and chastising. I shrug. He grabs me by my hair, pulling me into the room. Evelyn appears in front of him. She grabs his arm, anger in her eyes. "Let her go!" she demands. He pulls way and hits Evelyn in the face. People gasp and mutter amongst themselves. Evelyn glares up at him from where she fell. He punches me in the stomach, screaming in my ear "it's all your fault!" I begin sobbing, ready to die. Evelyn pulls her phone out of her purse, calling the police. The funeral home people drag him off me and into another room. Evelyn helps me up once she's off the phone. I cling to her, crying harder than ever.
"Shh..........it isn't your fault." she promise me quietly. She walks me out the building. "I'm so sorry, he was just saying that." Evelyn says, smoothing my hair as I cry. "I knew I caused this!!" I sob as I hear sirens in the distance. "No, you didn't, it wasn't anyone's fault." Evelyn says, tilting my chin up so I look directly into her eyes. I pull away and look down. "What did I do to him?!!" I cry. "Nothing." Evelyn answers simply. Two police cars pull up and I feel fear take over. Evelyn lays a hand on my back, sensing my distress. "Where is he and where is the woman who called?" an officer asks in a deep voice. "I was the one who called and he's inside." Evelyn answers, helping me to my feet as she stands. "'Sup with her?" a different officer asks. "Her sister just died and she's the one the man was abusive to. He's raped her before and is often very abusive. This is the first time I witnessed any abuse." Evelyn answers as I cry harder. "And who're you to her?" he asks. "I'm her psychiatrist." she answers confidently. "Boundaries, lady." he says before pushing past us to arrest my dad. Evelyn rolls her eyes and we decide to go on a short walk.
"That was so unnecessary!!" I cry. "It was, but those people are out there." Evelyn says, her face slightly flushed. We go back to the funeral home after we're sure the police, and my dad, are gone. "I think I'm ready to go in." I whisper. My mom and dad are both gone and the rest of the family is sitting silently. I go up to Olivia and I fall to my knees, my strength gone as I see her in a casket. ""Wake up!!" I scream. Tears are in Evelyn's eyes as she helps me to my feet. I shake Olivia, crying as loudly as possible for her to wake up. Meg and Evelyn pull me to a seat as I fight them, needing to be near my sister.
"Get off me!!" I cry before breaking down. The viewing goes by quickly and I ask for a minute to say my final goodbye to my beautiful sister. Everyone leaves, but Evelyn hovers by the door. "You can stay." I say, sniffling from my seat. I walkout to the casket and I stroke Olivia's face gently. I can still see the mark from the rope. I trace it with my fingertips as I get ready to speak. "Olivia, I just want you to know I'm sorry!! I didn't mean to get so upset with you, I just wanted to be able to have kids. I was jealous!!! Please, I didn't mean to cause you to do this!! You had so much to live for!! I can't believe this is my last goodbye. I'm sorry I couldn't keep Evelyn from coming, she just wouldn't listen. Please, come back. I don't want to say goodbye." I say, tears running down my face. "You have to." Evelyn says. I turn to look at her. I see the tears running down her face and I say "you say goodbye to her first." Evelyn comes to the casket and I lay my head against her.
"Olivia, I'm sorry I didn't pick up on your hints. I'll keep trying to convince Jackie to stay. This is my goodbye, honey." Evelyn says, wiping her eyes and smiling sadly. "Olivia, I'm sorry I have to say goodbye, see you soon." I say, hoping Evelyn picks up on the fact I'm going to kill myself. "Not too soon." Evelyn says, gently guiding me out. We leave and I feel like I'm missing a piece of myself. I shuffle up to my room and just when I think I'm free to end this horrible life, Evelyn shows up.
"Don't even think about." she says. I jump and look up at her. She sits on my bed. "How do you do that?!" I ask exasperatedly. "What?" she asks innocently, knowing what I was talking about. "Appearing out of no where and knowing exactly what I'm thinking about." I answer, feeling angry. "You were so deep in thought and I could tell you were considering something big, that's one of the only big things left." she answers. I shake my head and begin crying again. "You know you shouldn't." she whispers. I feel someone watching me. I look up quickly, startled. I speak with a trembling voice "someone's watching me." Evelyn looks confused. She opens the door and finds Wendy at the door.
"Hey, sweetie!" she says. Wendy throws something at her. Evelyn holds her head where she was hit. "Wendy!" I snap. I feel anger overwhelming me yet again. I pull her over my knee and spank her as hard as I can until she's screaming. I put her in her room and sit back on my bed. "That wasn't right." Evelyn says. I shrug. She speaks again "you shouldn't have done that." "Shut up!" I snap, trembling. Evelyn is silent, for once. I hold my head and try to ward off my disorder. "Is your Bipolar acting up?" she asks. I shrug, but whisper "I think so." Evelyn nods. "Go downstairs, you need someone to keep an eye on you and I need to go." Evelyn says, walking to the door. I go downstairs and sit on the couch, feeling numb. I feel like I'm waiting on Olivia to come downstairs and sit with me, but she's dead! Evelyn leaves, promising to be at the funeral tomorrow. I shake my head and lay down. I hope to die as I fall asleep.