What if

Chapter 19

"She can't remember me." Derek whispered to himself as he was left alone in his room. Derek just laid on the bed and was staring at the ceiling. Now his tears began to flow quickly. "Oh god. She can't remember me anymore." he whispered once again. He just wanted to disappear, he just wanted to be alone so that nobody could ask him how he or Meredith was. But his wishes were crushed when the door of the ICU slided open. "Derek." Carolyn exclaimed as she quickly went over to her son and hugged him tightly. Carolyn accidentally bumped against Derek's broken and infected arm. Which caused him to wince. "I'm sorry." She said quickly, Derek just shrugged it off. "How are you?" She asked. "Fine." He replied shortly. The word fine caused him to shiver, everytime he said or heard the word fine he had to think about Meredith. Carolyn sighed and tried to comfort her son but he pulled away from her grip. "What's going on Derek?" She asked gently. "Is it Meredith?" She felt how his body tensed at her name. "What's going on with her Derek?" Derek felt how his eyes welled up with tears, he bit on his lower lip to force himself to stop crying then he turned his head away. After a while of silence Carolyn stood up and began to walk out of the room. "She can't remember me." Derek whispered. Carolyn froze and turned around to face Derek. He looked at her, his eyes were swollen and red. "She can't remember me anymore." Derek cried, while the tears were still running. Carolyn hurried over to Derek and hugged him tightly. He grabbed her Shirt with his good arm as it was the only thing that kept him alive. Carolyn's heart broke at the sight of her broken son. It reminded her of the time when Christopher died. "You can do this Derek. I promise you. You can do this. I'll help you with everything. I promise it'll be okay. I know it doesn’t seem the way right now but everything will be okay." She assured him. "Promise?" Derek asked quietly, showing his vulnerable side, which showed up rare. "I promise Derek. It will be hard and difficult but I'm here to help you. So are your sisters and friends." She whispered. After a while when Derek calmed down a bit the door opened again.

"Where's your wife, was she on the plane with you? Did she die?" Derek's Sister Nancy asked, with a tiny bit of happiness at the end of her sentence. Derek just sighed and pulled away from his mother's hug. "No she did not die and she wasn't on the plane with me. Too bad huh." Derek snapped. "Derek.." his mom whispered. "No mom. I'm not letting her insult my wife once again. I let her do it too often." he told his mom before turning to Nancy. "You can burn in hell Nancy. Don't ever talk to me again. You’re not my Sister anymore. Get the hell out of my room Nancy. Delete my number and don't ever try to make contact with me. I don’t want you in my life anymore." Derek yelled. "But-" Nancy began. "Out of my room now," he yelled. With that Nancy left the room. "I'll talk to her." Carolyn whispered, she kissed Derek's forehead and left the room. "Hey." a voice said and stepped into the room. It was Amelia. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked as he saw Amelia's expression. "I'm so sorry Derek. I heard about Meredith." She whispered, Derek just nodded and looked away. "Can I help you with anything?" She asked as she sat down in the chair next to his bed. "You could bring me a time machine." Derek replied sarcastically. "If I had one I would give it to you." "I know." Derek replied, he then looked up and smiled a bit at his sister, both of them had tears in their eyes. Amelia loved Meredith and it was hard to see her brother so helpless and broken. "Come here." Derek whispered, Amelia stood up and sat down on his bed. Derek sat up and pulled his sister in a tight hug. "Do you know where Mer is?" Derek asked quietly, he felt bad for not knowing where his wife was. "I'm sure she's home with Jackson." She replied. "Good, that's good," he whispered. "You know I didn't even want to fly out. I wanted to stay at home with Meredith and Zola." he explained. "Hunt told me I had to… If I just stayed home, I would have at least one more day with Mer knowing who I am… It's so hard to see her struggling like this."  Derek whispered while a tear made its way down his cheek.

Next Day

"Mom, are you okay?" Derek asked gently as he saw his mother heavily breathing and sweating. "I'm good." Carolyn whispered but Derek didn't believe her at all. So he paged Bailey to his room. "Shepherd, what's wrong?" Bailey asked as she stepped into his room. He was now on the normal Station. His infection was way better and his arm was healing well. "Could you check my mom?* Derek asked, Carolyn looked up. "Derek I told you that I don't want to get check-" She began. "I know mom. But I refuse to make the same mistakes again. I refuse to oversee a disease again. Please mom." Derek whispered, Carolyn sighed and agreed. "Thank you." Derek replied quietly before Carolyn stepped out of the room with Bailey.