What if

Chapter 30

Time jump 3 years

Today was Derek's birthday, a day which he normally loved with all his heart but it wasn't the same without Merdith. Derek woke up alone in his big bed, just like he did for the last 3 years. Meredith's side was made but untouched. Everyone knew that nobody and with nobody Derek means nobody even no Zola is going to lay down on this side. He faced Meredith's side and tried to blink away his tears which were building up in his eyes. He could almost picture her laying next to him, right as he wanted to close his eyes, the door opened. "Happy Birthday Dad." Zola smiled widely as she jumped on top of Derek. "Thank you honey." Derek chuckled as Zola hugged him tightly. "Look, that's for you." She whispered as she gave him a little box. "Zola, you didn't have to do that. The best present is that you are with me." He replied, Zola giggled. "Just open it Dad." Zola laughed, Derek smiled and opened the box slowly as he sat up in the bed. "Oh my-" Derek gasped as tears began to well up in his eyes. He lifted a photo frame out of the box which showed him, Zola and Meredith sitting on the ferry smiling widely. "Come here." He whispered as he opened his arms. "I love you Dad." She whispered into his chest. "I love you too honey." Derek replied and rubbed her back gently. After a while Zola pulled away. "What's the plan for today?" Zola asked. "Well your aunts and Uncles are coming with your cousins, we'll eat cake then maybe and at the end of the day I planned on visiting mom, you can come with me if you want." Derek explained and offered. "Of course I wanna come with you to visit mom." Zola gave him a small smile. "Well let's get up, before my sisters are biting our heads off, that we are still in our pajamas." Derek joked as they climbed out of the bed. Together they went downstairs and ate pancakes, after that they got ready for the day.

Later that day everyone arrived, the Kids were in the playroom and Derek was sitting outside on the porch. Amelia slowly walked outside and sat down beside her brother. "Hey, do you wanna come inside? Kathy, Liz and Nancy made cake." She said, as she rubbed his back gently. "I will be there soon, give me a few minutes please." He whispered as his eyes began to become glassy. "Of course." Amelia smiled sadly, right as she wanted to go Derek grabbed her arm. "Can you stay please?" Derek asked quietly as he wiped the tears away. Amelia nodded and sat down beside him. "You know Meredith hated Birthdays but every year, she planned a whole day for my Birthday. We would take the ferry, we would walk together in the forest and we just talked. She made a nice reservation in restaurants because she can't cook and didn't want me to cook on my Birthday. It was the perfect Birthday.." Derek tried to hold himself together. "She's still with you Derek, she's hovering over you. Maybe she's sitting right beside you." Amelia smiled. Derek looked up and gave her a warm smile. "Thank you Amy, for always being here for me and Zo. Especially after Meredith died." Derek said and Amelia smiled widely. "Of course."

Zola and Derek were on their way to the graveyard after the party was over. Amelia and her sisters stayed home to clean up the house. They knew that Derek and Zola needed the talk to Meredith. Finally they reached the graveyard and Zola unbuckled herself. "Dad, should I go first and talk to mom or do you want first?" Zola asked. "You can go first." Derek replied, Zola nodded, left the car and walked over to Meredith's grave. "Hey mom, so today is Dad's Birthday and it was the first time he celebrated since you well. Since you are gone. It still hurts very much and I would love to really get to know you, but this is over now I guess. I told you about the bullying and it got a little bit better, but not very much.. I don't even know how I can handle all this.. I know I should talk to dad but he already has enough problems, I don't want to be a burden towards him." Zola whispered as tears welled up. "Honey don't be afraid to talk to Dad, I know that he's stressed but talk to him, he always has a place for you in your heart. He doesn't know how to talk to you, he was so stressed with my disease and being there for you, he loves you, but he doesn't know how to talk or help you." Zola heard her mom say. "So you think I should just talk to him and tell him about my worries?" Zola asked carefully. "Yes, I'm so proud of the person you've become and I love you so much. I will always be by your side." Meredith whispered. Zola placed a kiss on her mom's grave, wiped her tears away and went back to the car. "Dad, I'm finished, your turn." Zola whispered, Derek carefully rubbed her arm and gave her a small smile. "I'm so proud of you Zola." He whispered, Zola smiled and Derek stepped out of the car. He took a deep breath before going to his wife's grave.

"Hey, Mer." He whispered. "Hey my love, happy birthday." Meredith replied happily. "Thank you." He said as he sat down. "I overheard that you talked with Amelia about our birthday traditions." Meredith chuckled. "Yeah." Derek breathed as he closed his eyes. "It's okay Der, I'm happy you talked about it. Today we would've done the same, with Zola then, your sisters would be here, everyone from our friends." Meredith replied and Derek could picture her smiling widely at him. "Right now we would be on a ferry, standing at the railing, Zola sitting on a bench or standing next to us. I would lean into your chest, you would breathe my lavender scent in, your arms wrapped around my stomach and we would enjoy one of the few days where it's sunny. It would be the perfect birthday." Meredith added. "Yeah, it would be if you were here.." Derek cried. "Derek, I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm so so sorry. I would give anything to be with you and Zola." "You gave up Meredith, you gave up on us, on your friends, on Zola, on me." Derek spat. "Derek, I fought, I really did. If I really didn't want to fight then I would've given up when I was coding in surgery. That's a situation where I could've given up but I didn't. So don't tell me that I didn't fight for you or Zola." "But you just stopped.." Derek sighed. "Der, my body couldn't handle my disease anymore. My heart was failing and-" "Why didn't we do a heart transplant? You would be here then.." Derek cried as he stood up. "My body would have been there, but your wife Meredith wouldn't be there. Stop blaming yourself Derek please, it's nobody's fault that I got sick. It's not your fault Derek, I promise you that." Meredith replied as she appeared in front of him, she lifted Derek's chin and they looked into each other's eyes. "I'm always here for you, I'm not going anywhere." She whispered. "But-" Derek was interrupted by a big sob. "I'm so sorry for leaving you." She whispered once again. Derek imagined that Meredith was hugging him, he could feel her arms around him, smell her scent in his nose and feel her heart beating, but he knew that this was just an imagination. "I love you and be careful on your way home Derek, please." Meredith said before she disappeared. "I love you too." he whispered into the air as he made his way back to Zola.

Zola and Derek were on their way home as Zola spoke up. "Dad?" "Yeah?" Derek replied as he shortly looked at her and then back to the street. "Well when I talked to mom." Zola began. "She told me to just say it out loud, so I will just say it now." Zola whispered before inhaling deeply. "I know that I told you that bullying has gotten better, but I lied. It's not better, it's worse. They push me into lockers, steal my pens, sing songs about me and well say not so nice things." She saw how Derek's eyes went wide as he looked over to her a few times, but he stayed quiet allowing her to continue. "They make jokes, that I'm adopted or that mom is dead. They are saying that mom died because she didn't love me and my birth parents died because they didn't love me either." Zola was crying by now, Derek looked over to her with wide eyes. "We all love you Zola. We love you so much. I promise you that." He whispered. "Don't believe them, you are my perfect Zozo. My little brain surgeon and mom's love bug." he continued while looking at her. "Thank you Dad. I love you too." She smiled and looked up. "DAD, WATCH OUT." She screamed but it was too late. Derek had smashed the car against a tree.

"Zola, wake up baby." Derek whispered as tears were running down his cheeks. Zola opened her eyes and saw her very concerned Dad, who was bleeding a lot on his head and was sitting in an awkward position, his legs were trapped, he couldn't move them. "Dad, I'm scared." Zola cried. "I know you are, I will help you get out. I need you to be safe." Derek replied as he began to unbuckle her and pushed down the airbag. "Daddy I can't leave you here alone." "Zola I will be okay, just go outside." He groaned a bit as he tried to move his legs. "Zola please." Derek begged as Zola was frozen. "Zola." Derek said louder this time, Zola looked at Derek with tears in her eyes. "I love you Dad." She whispered before leaving the car. That's when Derek's body shut down and he closed his eyes.

After a few minutes he opened them again, expecting to see the accident but he was wrong. "Dad?" Derek whispered. 

*Evil laugh*
Yay, new chapter. I know it's not very long and a cliffhanger at the end but we need drama. I still hope you enjoyed this chapter. I try to update as soon as I can but I can't promise anything. I love you all.