Dare you to love me

I will always be there

Trigger warning: Talk of Abuse and Self harm

Sorry for this deep dark chapter but it's important to the rest of the story and I promise that there are happier Clexa times to come. I also think that although it's a dark and delicate topic to talk about, it highlights how much support Lexa can provide.

Most of the chapter is also from Clarke's POV as well as I think it;s important to highlight all the emotions that she was and is feeling because of all this.

Chapter 18

Clarke's POV

Lexa looks at me utterly confused. I know exactly what she was thinking. That a boy or even a girl had hurt me, forced themselves on me without my consent. Not for a minute did she think those last two words would leave my mouth... 'my uncle'. 

Surprisingly though she doesn't move, pull away from me or look at me disgusted. I can see the cogs turning inside her head though. The millions of questions that she wants to ask me but she is too afraid to do so.

I give her a few minutes to process the information before I say anything more. It was a shock to me as well that the words had actually left my lips. That is the first time since it had ever happened that I had said it outloud. I hadn't even told Ontari about it, although on some level she knew something wasn't quite right at home.

"Your... uncle?" She finally asks. Her voice sounds cracked, as though it has suddenly gone very dry.

Again the cogs turn and I see that she's landed on a question in her mind. Her face suddenly turned to disgust... but I knew this was coming, I knew that this was how she would look at me. I wait for it to soften but it doesn't, her eyes burn with anger.

"What the hell did he do to you Clarke?" Her voice now in a deep and serious tone.

I try to speak but no words come out, she shifts away from me and it's nothing less than what I expected, she doesn't even want to touch me anymore. I instantly miss her face being so close to mine. The way her forehead had been touching me and the few dark brown strands of hair that had been tickling my face seconds before.

I can't stop the floods of tears falling down my face and I bury my head into my knees. This is why I had never even tried to tell anyone. They would think that I was disgusting.It hurt more than I thought it would though that Lexa now viewed me this way. As damaged.

She had promised that she wouldn't leave, but now she was. Her warm body moved away from mine.

But, then I feel the weight move on the bed once again, but I don't look up. I don;t want to relive seeing the face she had moments ago.

I jump when I feel her delicate fingers touch my face once again under my chin. Trying to lift my head up so that I will look at her. My body is shaking from crying, why would she possibly want me to look at her?

"Clarke, please look at me. I told you I wouldn't leave and I'm not. I'm right here with you." She sounds as though she is crying too. Why is she crying? I also notice that her tone is no longer one of anger, but one of desperation.

"I'm here Clarke, I promise. Please just look at me" Her voice cracks. She grabs my cheek with her left hand. Urging me to lift up my face. I do so and my heart melts when I see the new look she is wearing on her face. A look of distress and sensitivity. .

"I thought you were leaving" I say between sobs. I sniffle and wipe the snot from my nose.

"I told you I wouldn't Clarke. If you feel comfortable enough, will you tell me what happened? Please don't think that I was angry or freaked out at you. I just got so angry at the thought of someone hurting you. Someone who you probably thought that you could trust." She withdraws her hands from my face and places them onto my hands. Rubbing her fingers over the top of mine, I notice that my breathing instantly calms. Lexa must do as well as she smiles a little at me, I decide to continue with my story.