a countryhumans asean dumpster, sadly

✒️🌾 :: A legacy continues

(written on October 2021)

June 30, 1977.

Just because that sounded like a regular date, it doesn't mean that something huge wouldn't happen.

That date felt like yesterday the more I think about it. Each and every year passing by feeling that I got older every single second and I do! But it felt like nothing without him.

My brother had left me 44 years ago on front of me. Just disappeared into dust on front of me. Trusting me that I can handle his work when he's gone. Just because of one reason that people aren't interested in him anymore.

I tried to get him back as much as I can. I had to talk with his formal members and there's nothing to do to fix it. I talked to Thailand and Philippines in specific and there's really nothing they can do to fix the falling tower.

There was nothing to save my brother.

All the glue I tried to attach wouldn't work. All the messy tape I left just because to save him doesn't stick.

It all came down to me.

Phil trusted me that I should be the one to continue his work. Thai knows I can do better without him. The rest knows that I can do this on my own.

But does it ever feel the same as before?

He was indeed such a stupid person in terms of handling things but whatever he does, it inspired me.

We probably aren't even blooded, yet we treat each other as family. That what mattered to me.

Every single day I would usually wake up to his genuine and brotherly smile, he would usually go out and teach me how to hold a gun (well, I don't use them nowadays but it was pretty memorable nonetheless), he would tell me some things that had happened when I was not on this planet and how he handled them.

I was able to be myself around him. Outside of the organization, him and I would usually do certain things we won't do at work. I was able to find my true personality each time we interacted, this weird and probably talented self which is ASEAN. Me. He made me found who I was.

But ever since his disappearance, a silent noise appeared in my head and I tried to get it out.

It won't stop.

For more than 40 years I struggled to keep up everything related to him. Every time he was brought up, I would merely avoid talking and try not to burst into tears. It was a really hard and painful topic for me to bring up.

We've only been together for only 10 years that felt forever. Learning my routes from him and to the point where I know where I was going.

It felt like I was climbing a staircase towards your goal with someone but one day he got tired and trusted me to continue going up that staircase.

I know it's hard to accept people's death and I have been keeping my mouth shut about him, and I think it's time to talk about it and express my words. I needed to talk to them about his story and how it affected me as a person.

Southeast Asia Treaty Organization, I miss you so much. A lot of people might not remember you anymore, but I will never forget you. I will pick up the pieces of broken glass you left at the staircase and try to renew it.

I loved you as a brother and I still do. Thank you so much for being with me after all of those stupid times we've been together.

I will try and continue what you have started and what you have trusted me to do.

- ASEAN