Is This Toxic?(Spencer Reid x Reader)

25) He Loves Her Not

Spencer's POV:

Fuck

This is the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life.

How the hell did I start to like her? I was supposed to hate her.

From the moment I laid eyes on her I swore to myself that I would forever hate her. She was there, with her happy little attitude and her cute little body and her annoyingly pretty face and God, listen to me. This girl is supposed to be my arch nemesis so why the hell am I thinking about her like this.

I should have never slept with her in the first place. The first time we slept together should have been the first and last time we did that. But for some reason I couldn't stay away from her body. God that sounds awful. It makes me sound like Morgan.

I mean, Morgan isn't bad but everyone knows how Morgan was before he met Savannah. He'd do anything and everything with boobs and a pretty face. That isn't me. Well, most of the time.

Y/N just makes so, so mad and aroused and mad that I'm aroused. It's ridiculous. How can a girl I loathe do so much to me without doing anything.

I just see her pretty little face and poof. Just like that all thoughts leave my head. It makes me so mad. When we started the whole casual fucking thing I didn't think it would affect me, but it did. Stupidly I started to grow some feelings towards her.

No, what am I saying? I didn't and still don't have feelings for her. She was just a, what do people call it? A booty call. That's what she was. We would get horny and fuck and that's it. Yes, we hung out but only because it would lead to fucking.

I don't enjoy her company whatsoever. I'm just being nice because she was kidnapped. By that asshole who thought he could do that to her. I wish I could have torn him to pieces. Who the hell did he think he was? He just kidnapped her and tortured her like it was nothing. The fucking dick. If only I could have really gotten my hands on him he would have paid big time.

She sounded so scared, so sad and he did that to her. He put her in pain and she's still in pain. God, I should call her to see how she's doing. She's with her friends so it's probably not the best time. But, what if something happened? It could have been a surprise attack like with him.

No, I can't think that way. I'm sure she's safe and sound with her friends. She's probably enjoying herself and is insanely happy to finally be with her friends again. She hasn't seen them in weeks and I can't ruin this night for her.

Wait.

I don't care about what she's doing right now. For all I care she's having an orgy. Fuck, what if she's sleeping with someone?

No. No. I don't care whatsoever who she sleeps with. Or cuddles with, or who she falls asleep with, or who she kisses on the cheek, or fuck!

I like her, don't I? Shit. This can't be happening. There is no way that I actually like Y/N. She's a bitch and I'm only taking care of her to clear my conscience. If I would have just picked her up that day she wouldn't have gotten kidnapped.

If I would have just gotten my head out of my ass she wouldn't have gotten hurt. In order to make it up to her I have to take care of her while she heals and make sure she heals properly. I'm just doing what I need to do. Paying my debts, if you will.

Yes, that's what I'm doing. I'm just making sure I don't go to hell or something over this. Is there even a hell? Whatever, that's not what I'm thinking about right now. What I'm thinking about is that I do not have feelings for her. Never have and never will.