Is This Toxic?(Spencer Reid x Reader)

28) Unforgiving

Spencer POV:

Three weeks of Y/N not talking to me have been torture. The first week, I tried calling her any time I was available. She just ignored my calls. Why won't she just talk to me?

Maybe I'm not totally innocent in all of this, but she's at fault too. She could just tell me she loves me. Then, I'd be able to say it back, and we'd pretend we never even fought. There would be no more hatred. Just love. Forever.

But no. She can't answer my damn calls. I haven't tried going to her house. Which maybe I should try. The rest of the team is able to get in touch with her so easily, and it seems I'm the only one struggling. Since the night I yelled at JJ in my apartment, she's been giving me looks. Sometimes her eyes are full of pity, others rage, and sometimes disgust. Who is she to judge me?

She has no right to look at me like that. This is a problem between me and Y/N. One we'll figure out soon enough. We found our way together once, and it'll happen again.

I just need her to tell me she loves me first. Tell me she wants me forever. And then, I'm hers. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

I picture it any time I can.

Her name pops up on my phone screen when I least expect it. When I answer, she'll tell me she wants to talk. She'll say I should go to her apartment. When I get there, she'll be a little worried about how I'm going to respond to what she has to say next.

She'll tell me she's sorry for acting so irrationally. She wasn't thinking straight because she loves me so much, and she was so scared I wouldn't love her back.

Then, I'll take her face in my hands, tell her that I love her so much, and kiss her until we can't breathe. And then I'll kiss her some more, because we'll feel like we're going to die if we don't keep kissing.

That night, we won't fuck. No, we'll make love. We'll be two people in love. Just the two of us as one.

However, that hasn't happened yet. So, I'm stuck imagining. Dreaming. Remembering.

How her skin tastes, feels, and smells. The little things she does when she's anxious or hungry. How she always cuddled up to me when we watched TV. How her body fit so well against mine.

The sounds she would make when we were fucking. The look she made when she came. How pretty she looked with my dick in her mouth. The breathiness of her voice when she was ready for me.

Memories of her litter my head at all times.

If I'm not remembering what it's like to fuck her, I'm thinking about what it's like to love her. Eat with her, shower with her, and sleep in the same bed as her. Everything about her consumes my every thought.

She needs to stop with the ridiculousness and just talk to me.

I hear my phone ring, and, just like every other time for the last three weeks, I hope it's her calling to ask to talk. However, I find myself sorely disappointed when I see Morgan's name flash on my screen.

"What is it, Morgan?"

"Well, hello to you too, pretty boy. I'm doing just fine; thank you for asking. Yes, my day has been long, and I'm sure yours hasn't."

"I'm not in the mood, Morgan; what is it?"

Unimpressed, he replies, "Pen wants you to go out with everyone. We all know you're at home doing absolutely nothing, so you can't say no. And if you say no, I promise the girls will drag you out of your house. Reid, you need to get out of that apartment for something other than work, man. One way or another, you're coming out tonight. Whether it's willingly or against your will, it's up to you. We'll be outside in thirty minutes, so be ready by then, or we'll drag you out."

With that, he hangs up. I know I'm going to end up at a bar. That won't be good because I'll start to drink, and once I start, I won't stop.

Then, I'll spill my guts to the team. I love them, not like I love Y/N, but there are some things that aren't their business. I suppose I'm already ready to go. I'll go out with them, but I don't have to enjoy it.

After thirty minutes of daydreaming about Y/N, a knock on my door pulls me out of my thoughts. When I open the door, JJ and Emily are there, smiling, and I step out into the hallway with them and lock my door. I turn to see their satisfied smiles and gestures for them to lead the way to whoever's car they came in.

I see that the two came in Emily's car, and it confuses me. "How come Garcia and Morgan aren't with you guys? Morgan said Garcia was going to drag me out of my apartment if I said no."

"Well, Reid," Emily started. "We are more than capable of handling you on our own without Pen's help. And second, Pen had a wardrobe emergency, so she and Morgan are coming whenever she figures out whatever went wrong.

"Well, I know how she is about her outfits, so I'm sure we'll be there for an hour before she finds out what's wrong. Let's just get this over with." I say as I step into the car and buckle myself up.

The whole ride there, JJ and Emily are singing along to songs on the radio and laughing, and it makes me miss the sweet sound of Y/N's laughter. The richness of her laugh is like a breath of fresh air. Once we get there and step out of the car, I can't help but groan.

There are so many people here. The smell of sweat and alcohol mixed in the air was nauseating. But I could stay here for an hour or two and then get the fuck out and go home. Emily and JJ quickly pulled me into an open booth they found and told me to stay still while they went to the bar to order us drinks.

Thirty minutes later, Garcia and Morgan still haven't shown up. JJ and Emily are on the dance floor having a good time, and I'm still in this stupid booth guarding their drinks and making sure they have a place to rest their feet when they get tired from all of the dancing they're doing.

As I'm looking around, a woman approaches me with a smile. "Hey there. I'm Donna. I see you're here all by your lonesome, and I thought you might like some company."

She was looking at me with a big smile. She's pretty, sure. If she had come up to me at a bar last year, I might have taken her up on the offer. But she's here now, and the only woman in my mind—the only one I want to spend time with when I'm alone—is Y/N.

"I'm good. I'm waiting for my girlfriend to get here. She shouldn't be much longer. Another friend of mine is coming in a little bit too; when he gets here, I'm sure he'll take you up on your offer."

Her smile diminishes slightly, and she departs with an okay and leaves me alone. Once I start looking around again, I see Morgan step into the bar and am instantly relieved because that means I can go home soon.

I see him turn around, and Garcia walks in, her face shining bright with her winning smile. Derek sees me, nods his head, and starts dragging Pen towards me. I see her hand behind her connected to someone else's, and when I see who the other hand belongs to, my breath catches in my throat.

Y/N is in a form-fitting dress that makes my mouth water. She's beautiful, like always. Her hair was perfectly made, and her makeup was done like a goddess. She was like a dream come true. I took the time to look at her face. She was very upset. She wouldn't even look me in the eyes.

Garcia gave me a hug once they reached the booth, and Morgan said hello before going to get the three of them some drinks.

Garcia was talking, but I wasn't paying attention to her. I couldn't stop looking at Y/N. I know she can feel me staring at her. But she won't take her eyes off of Penelope. I wish she would look at me. Talk to me, or yell. I need her to acknowledge me. I need her to apologize to me so I can love her. And I've just decided tonight is the night I make my fantasy a reality.