Bastard No More

in need of 🍷😂

Greetings to anyone joining me here. I wish wellness and peace of mind to everyone.

This morning I awoke to my lovely Semaj sitting up in bed. She looked troubled. I reached for her and told her good morning, but I noticed and could feel a difference. I pulled her close to me and asked what was troubling her.

Semaj snuggled against me, not facing me. I held her close, nestling against her, smelling her hair. When I heard her sniffle, I turned her to face me. She had tears in her eyes.😢

I asked her what was wrong; reluctantly, she told me she'd had a bad dream about me. It was obvious that it made her feel some type of way bcuz of the way her heart was beating so fast and the look in her eyes.

Semaj told me her dream and began crying whilst reiterating. I held her close, wiped her tears away. The dream really fucked with her and it made me feel bad😔 I really fucked up in the dream, so badly she didn't even want me to hold her for real.

I got out of bed and went take a shower. I could feel her despair and anger. It filled my heart so fully it began to hurt. As I stood under the shower I began to cry. I cried bcuz of what Semaj was feeling. I cried bcuz I can never please her. I cried bcuz I done fucked up so much in life that her dreams of me fucking up makes her resent me.

Semaj crept into our bathroom and heard me crying. I just couldn't help it. I asked Goddess/God why I am this person. I mean for fuck's sake I was getting harder knowing she was standing there.

I don't like it when she sees me crying. I don't. She's just like me: feel feel feel. She feels bad when I cry and vice versa, and we've always been a comfort to each other in those moments. But today I just didn't want her to see or hear me cry.

Semaj and I...our relationship has been a very beautiful one, and at times there's been plenty of entrapments to tarnish such beauty.
I love her to death; I don't like arguing with her about anything. But lately she's been comfortable arguing with me. I asked her a simple question, if I make her happy. She said yes but then got real upset, asked me why I was asking her that. She said I should have known the answer to that. I told her I was just asking; she went hard on me. I know it's the pregnancy hormones and what not, and I know it's her guilt gnawing away at her.

Semaj met me in the shower, still dressed in her oversized tank, belly looking so round. She came to me and held me and I couldn't hold back. I needed her. I needed to be inside of her. I needed her to love me and to want me and be happy with me. We both locked together instantly, holding and touching each other, kissing each other. The passion is always present between Semaj and I no matter the circumstances, but it seems that's our answer to everything. Something happens and we fulfill each other passionately as if it resolves everything. Honestly for me it does bcuz all I want is her to love me and be happy loving me.

Semaj was the aggressor, sucking and biting my neck hard whilst I removed her soaking wet clothing. There's only so many safe positions you can do in a shower together when pregnant, and please believe I went for the trusted "lift that leg up & let me slide up in there" position. I love holding her close to me, my hands cupping her ass and just feeling everything. My mouth latched onto her wet nipples and I lost any sense I had once I fit inside of her pussy. I put her up against the wall and held her there, careful as to not put much pressure on her belly. Her pussy was so good...so wet and juicy and deep and I just felt myself growing harder and longer and thicker with each and every thrust. I remember kissing her deeply, sucking on her tongue to taste her nectar, trying desperately to drink all of her and make this beautiful moment last, me pumping and thrusting and losing control bcuz this is when we are truly happiest, when we are devouring each other.

I didn't want it to ever stop. My passion and desire for her fueled me and the way she was responding to me gave me life. Looking down into those eyes I saw her, saw her want for me, her need, her desire. I began to love into her deeper, more wildly and more passionate. I needed to be inside. I needed to. I needed to feel that I was doing something right.

I made a promise to make this woman cum screaming my name like she's never has before and I delivered. I wanted her so badly; being inside of her... it's like...

I fucking love Semaj. I really fucking do. I love her with all my might and spirit. But I can't help who, what I am. She feels this, feels me, feels everything I do and feel, and she feels all who feel me. The reason I have to ask her if I make her happy is bcuz I can see how she looks at me sometimes and it breaks me down bad. Yes, I see the love. I see the lust. But I also see the hurt. The pain. The guilt and disappointment. The questions.

After Semaj and I made love this morning, I found myself in a sudden state of null. I noticed her getting dressed whilst I rolled me a couple of blunts. She looked pretty so I told her. I figured she was getting pretty to leave with the kids and go see youngin, bcuz today is his day with little one.

After Semaj and the kids left, I lit my blunt and started toking. Called up Daenarick to see if he wanted to smoke or do lunch but he was busy. So what did I do?

I took my blunts and got in Lucille and drove around til I found a tattoo shop. I made a couple of new acquaintances there and ended up getting more ink. I swung thru the hood and got myself a Sex on the Beach and drove around sipping and smoking and making the ground and streets shatter and shake with my music, just me and my lonesome, but I needed this time away. Being home would have me in my feelings bcuz my family is with their other dad. My wife is with her husband.

When I got back here, I got in the kitchen and prepared some food for when they get back. Right now, I'm ready to close this chapter, light my blunt and smoke this fire, maybe watch my favorite Howling II.

Sending vibrations of peaceful bliss to all.