Bastard No More

when I think of

    Good evening anyone joining me here.

    I feel moved to write this, right now. Just a couple of things inside of me that I feel the need to speak upon.

   My head, meaning my mental, seems to be stable right now, although I still have bouts of anxiety and sudden depression. With our new baby on the way, I'm really trying to be solid for Semaj and the kids. I've been trying not to let my insecurities get to me.

   Yes, I worry that my beloved will find herself back in her husband's arms, could be the arms of another. I received a message today from someone informing me that my wife, my beloved intended, is definitely being sought out after by another man.

    I know it can't be helped; once you get to know Semaj you love her. That's it, that's all. She's a very special, wonderful person. She cares for others and tends to attach and attract. I see the way some men watch her when we're together. For someone who thinks she's not attractive she sure gets plenty of attention. And one thing's for sure, I always make her know I see her. I see her amazing strength. I see her kindness. I see her beauty and seduction. I see her power, her Magick.

   Semaj means the world to me. She is my everything and I love her immensely. I look to please her every way I can. But no amount of what I do can mend the hurt and pain she feels inside, bcuz of the hurt and pain she's caused. It's taking a toll on her; I see my beautiful wife losing weight and I can feel her plight. She's worrying herself. I hate knowing I'm the cause.

   Don't get me wrong; she's not always displeased and sad. Semaj is a very loving woman and she does indeed show me she loves me and cares about me. It's the little things she does like rubbing the back of my neck absentmindedly as we sit close and talk, or when she rolls my blunts for me because she knows I've been plucking my guitar strings, or when she snuggles up against me and kisses my chin and sucks it the way she knows drives me mad. The way she holds me. The way she stares into my eyes and we share secret smiles whilst in public. The way she holds my hand and smiles at me.

   I love the way she sends me little videos during the day, videos of the kids and Gucci and Wallace...and that sexy ass of hers 🤤🤤🤤 I love her naughty side😋 For a pregnant woman about to be 45 she's sexy as fuck and enticing 😍 She gets more sexy and beautiful by the day.❤️❤️

  It's the way she keeps me from going ham, the way she calms me. I know I depend on her way too much to keep me sane but she has been my goal, forever. Life without Semaj was pure Hell for me; sure I had other women but my relationships never could survive, all bcuz I knew in my heart of hearts that someday she would be mine.

   I feel like a child, needing to nestle against her breasts in her warm embrace. I need her arms around me holding me tight. I need her kisses and tongue. I need her to allow me to be the man I am, her man. I need her to let me take her to ecstasy over and over again as a real man should.

   I chose the song in my header, Janet Jackson's When I Think of You bcuz it's favorite song of ours, and sometimes we dance and sing to it. It's a favorite of mine bcuz it's so true what Janet is saying. Anytime my world gets crazy, all I have to do, to calm me, is just think of her.