Bastard No More

😌🤗

     Good evening and pleasant greetings to all.

   Today I met with the newest mother of my newest child; I say "newest" bcuz I just found out we created a life recently. There's nothing "new" about her and I.

   Yes, her being pregnant definitely changes a lot, but I am most elated and grateful for another child. I have no doubt she will be a wonderful mother to our daughter; yes, she's already found out that it's a girl😍 She and I made this sweet little miracle during our last sexual encounter earlier this year. We'd both decided it best we didn't speak, and although I missed my friend I stuck to it.

   Well, this definitely changes things. No way I'm going to stay away now. I will treat her as I treat all of the mothers of my children. I will offer financial support as well as emotional. She told me how devastated she was, finding out she was pregnant and we'd sworn to leave each other alone. Well I can't do that anymore. She may as well get ready to keep seeing me.

    Seeing her today just opened me up, and getting a feel of her belly was just the perfect gift. I told her I was happy it was her, real talk. If I could hand pick a mother I would have chose her, and looks like Lady Fate and Mother Nature had the same thing in mind.  Looking at her motherly glow had me kinda lit. I felt sorry, bcuz she was trying to be cordial and behave and not flirt and say all the right things. I tried my best not to make her uncomfortable but I couldn't help taking her in my arms and apologizing.

   I'm not trying to have a sexual relationship with her again but damn, that's been my girl. I love Semaj with all my being, and news of this new baby was hard for her, especially since it's who it is. She is one of the contenders I once spoke of. Out of respect I won't name drop, bcuz I care about Semaj's feelings as well as hers. Seems like it never stops being dropped in Semaj's lap with me😔

    First thing she asked me was if I was leaving her😔 Even in death I won't leave her, ever. Our sun will be here soon, and to be honest I fear it's she who will leave me. What woman wants to keep going thru bullshit, although unintended? I know I was wrong for coming in my friend but I knew what I was doing.

   My fear shows itself. I know Semaj can smell it on me. I love her so much and want to keep her happy yet I keep fucking up. She has been stressing lately and this had to have been hard and fucking shocking to her, but she knows my heart. She knows I want more children, and cried about it, saying after Bruce is born she fears she'll never be able to give me another child.

   I wish my desire wasn't as so, but having a huge family means a lot to me. I know I can provide for all; they need to let me. I need to keep providing and being what they need from me. Never will I act as my father did. Never.

  With that said tho, I still don't want to keep hurting my beloved. So if five children are it for me, then I'm blessed.💯 All I seek is for Semaj to deliver our sun Bruce safely, and for she and I to advance in this next chapter of our lives. I also hope for a safe delivery of my daughter, whose already stolen me heart. Call me a sucker but I swear to Goddess she knew it was her daddy's energy she was receiving when I touched mommy's belly. I picked up on such joy and overwhelming happiness I cried.

   My crying made her cry and soon we were just two crying parents. In that moment I knew I never stopped caring for her. But, she's made it clear that she doesn't want any drama. None of us do. Both her and Semaj need no drama between them, and I don't need her man, a friend, in my shit neither bcuz I go ham behind mine.

  Yes, I'm wrong. I'm immoral. I'm not a good person or friend, as this is the second friend's wife I've impregnated. But she's always been more of my friend than he; I've known her longer than him and she's always been there. We've always cut for each other.

  Now, we're going to raise a daughter together.