Bastard No More

Mardi Gras

    Warmest greetings to anyone still here reading my words. You are greatly appreciated.

  Well y'all, I made it thru another Mardi Gras.

   For those who might not know, I was abandoned during Carnival in New Orleans twenty nine years ago. Each year Mardi Gras usually takes it's toll on me.

   This year, I broke that old, rusty chain I had around my heart and took the kids out to the parades. I met up with a few good friends and we enjoyed it for a little bit, before coming back in for some barbecue. I was thrilled to see my old friend MS and felt really lightened.

    I haven't had the time I'd like to be writing; I'm a father with a new addition plus a grandfather, and I enjoy spending any spare time these days with my loved ones.

    After work I try to go see Hippolyta and Bria and check in on them and their mothers. New baby means new baby momma to support and see to. It's what I do. It's why I work so much. I see to it that my children and their mothers, whether we're good or not, are taken care of. I can not slip up.

   As of lately, all four of my children's mothers and I are in good places. I am grateful for that. Shantrelle is happy being a makeover mother to our granddaughter Ryiiley. Yes, my sun Daenarick and his daughter's mother have parted ways, and she along with her mother are willing to grant him sole custody so long as he pays her a sort of restitution allowance each month. He begged me to do anything I could to get them to agree. He works very hard already and he insists on paying them out of his own pocket but I've set up Ryiiley with a bank account with his name on it as well.

  He's doing what I would have done, had I had the chance eighteen years ago. He's raising his daughter. I would have raised him. And I'm extremely proud of him.

   Taz has even toned it down a notch. She showed up to the new house with Bria and a gift for Bruce. She even told Semaj she was dropping the restraining order, but of course she had to add some requests. Semaj looked amused. Taz said she needed my presence around more often bcuz of a certain situation that happened in her neighborhood. There's a guy she was interested in who seemed to be checking for her as well, only when things were beginning to blossom his wife pulled up and all hell broke loose.

   Marie used to do some shit Mayne. She's very skilled with spells, and I hope she didn't fuck around and cast a love or attraction spell. She said even after the wife threatened her old boy really pushing up on her. She said the whole thing turned her off of him, now she can't get rid of them. Plus, she saying what if...what if... making me feel Bria won't be safe.

   I had to talk to Semaj about alot of stuff. A lot. I have been making silent moves around her she hasn't been privy to. I felt compelled to do these things, bcuz you never know.

   I have been saving money and making more of it here and there. When Fig went in the hospital to have Hippolyta I took time off bcuz as always I'd planned ahead. I returned back to work a week after she was born and been working triple ever since. I appreciate all of my family members who allow me to pop in at any time of day or night, bcuz sometimes I'm late, but I always arrive.

   Of course those late night visits after working at the bar, or those visits immediately after working at the scrap yard when I'm tired can get a bit ... relaxing. They all know how and see how hard I work when sometimes I fall asleep on them lol. But I get up and take my pale ass on home to Semaj where my heart feels complete.

   The silent moves I've made? Looking into an even bigger house with land. A beautiful Greek style home on the outskirts of a town called Sunset. Perfectly befitting the gorgeous Mediterranean home. Big enough for allllllll of us; little one's daddy Youngin, Shantrelle, Daenarick, his baby, all of the babies, my step babies,  Egypt and Taz. Maybe even Fig should she ever need a place.

   I know it sounds incredulous. But it's what I want. Everyone together. Now I'm no dummy. Of course this means Semaj and I would have access to those whom we've touched and laid with. This would be a great test, as well as temptation.

   You must understand me. I care about people's well being. Knowing little one isn't seeing her daddy every day like she used to has torn a part of me up. I ruined their family.

    I've had a lot to think about. A lot. I've noticed that Semaj has started wearing the ring I gave her. I already bought her another one, just haven't given it to her yet. Ain't gonna lie, I'm ready to marry her, and she's mentioned it enthusiastically, like she's ready as well. Only I feel bad about all I've done to her and her family.

   I want him to be able to see and be with his daughter, and no matter whatever decision we make I want to be able to see and be with my kids as well. If we marry, he will still have a place with us. If she wants to be with him, I will remain here for my kids' sake as well as mine.

   I love Semaj dearly. I do. I live and breathe for her. I just feel I have done her so wrong. I need to right those wrongs. By any means necessary.