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Empty Space - James Arthur
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Argh.
I hate it. I hate this feeling.
Have you ever felt the urge to punch someone? Gusto kong manakit. Physically. And I don't know why. Why is this happening to me?
Every moment of happiness, there will always be a negative thing that'll happen. Wala naman dapat akong pake. Dapat okay lang sa'kin 'to. Now I'm hating myaelf for feeling this way.
Kakabati lang namin kanina, for goodness' sake. And now I have this conflicting feeling of mine. Gusto nang sumabog. Kailangan nalang talagang may mag-on ng switch. And I am sure as hell, I'll wreck havoc.
Pardon me, that's kinda absurd. But I can't do anything about it. I can't control my own emotions. I am trying my hardest to hold back, and not cause a scene that I might regret later on.
Pero kanina pa sila, I'm trying to block their voices inside my head but my ears are not listening to me. Ang tsismosa rin talaga ng tainga ko, eh.
Kanina pa talaga sila, and I'm in my sour mood starting then. It's as if they're taunting me. Just flip on them, I heard someone inside my head provoking me.
Hindi pa man natatapos ang araw, bad trip na ako. How will I enjoy this rest day then?
"Luma-lovelife na talaga siya, oh."
Puno ng kantyawan ang nabungaran ko kanina nang maisipan kong tumambay dito sa living room pagkatapos kong maligo.
We just had our lunch and after that, I took a bath. Tinatamad ako kaninang maligo, eh.
"Ano na mars? May label na ba? Bagal naman." Narinig kong turan ni Belle na may halong pang-aasar.
"Ni-replyan mo na ba? Yiee. Kilig yarn?" Gatong na rin ni Ecka.
"Para kayong sira. Nag-chat lang may malisya na agad sainyo?" Sela clarified. Oh, so nag-chat pala sa kanya? What does he need from her?
Guess who they're teasing? Of course, Marsela. Kaya kanina pa ako naba-badtrip. Actually, hindi talaga 'yan ang reason.
It's because of the person they're teasing with her. It's Justin. You know him. I don't even know how it happened.
Kasama ko dito sila Belle, Rans, Brei, Ecka, and of course Sela, the one they're hotseating with.
Naabutan ko nalang silang inaasar si Sela sa lalaking 'yun. Ano bang mayroon sa lalaking 'yon? Does she like him?
At isa pang nakakairita, she's just smiling at them. Nginingitian niya lang ang lahat ng binabato sa kanyang pang-aasar. Huwag niyang sabihin na gusto niya rin?
"Pasado na ba sa taste mo, mars?" Sela just rolled her eyes jokingly at Rans.
The thought made me scoff loudly. Napatingin silang lahat sa'kin. Tinignan nila ako nang may pagtataka sa mga mukha. Except Rans and Brei, they're grinning at me.
"What?" I asked them with my raised eyebrow.
"Abby, kawawa na 'yang cellphone mo. 'Wag mo namang panggigilan." Ngising turan sa akin ni Rans.
I didn't noticed. Hawak ko kasi itong phone ko, para kunwari hindi ako nakikinig sa usapan nila. Props lang, kumbaga.
Inirapan ko lang si Rans at hindi na siya pinansin.
"So, siya ba 'yung tinutukoy mong someone?" Tanong ni Ecka kay Sela. Hindi na ulit nila ako pinansin.
I don't care.
I'm busying myself from scrolling to my instagram account, reading some comments from my fans, atleast mapapagaan nito ang pakiramdam ko.
"Uhm..." My eyes turned to Sela when I heard her voice.
"Sagutin mo na dapat agad, ah! 'Wag na kamo siyang manligaw." Pagputol ni Belle kay Sela bago silang lahat nagtawanan.
They don't even know that it's actually a SHE, not a HE. Tumawa lang rin si Sela ng mahina. She's even blushing. What the hell? I badly wanted to shout.
This is too much. Bahala na. Aalis na ako dito.
Tatayo na sana ako nang bigla kong marinig ang boses ni Sela. "Abby?" I raised my eyebrow at her questioningly. "You okay?"
"Guess what." I emotionlessly said to her. Mas lalong napakunot ang noo niya sa'kin. Even I, couldn't believe that I'm being like this to her.
I know I'm being immature here, but my logical thinking for now cannot penetrate the emotions flowing through me. Kahit ako, hindi ko alam kung paano ko pipigilan.
"Hoy Abby, umayos ka nga." Saway sa akin ni Ecka nang mapansin ang tono sa boses ko.
Biglang tumayo si Sela at lumapit sa akin para umupo sa tabi ko. "Masama ba ang pakiramdam mo?" Tanong niya sa'kin.
"I'm okay, masakit lang ang ulo ko." Diin kong bigkas nang hindi tumitingin sa kanya. Yes, I'm being childish right now.
"Gusto mo ba ng gamot? Ikukuha kita." Nahimigan ko ang pag-aalala sa boses ni Sela. Pero hindi pa rin nagpapatinag ang nararamdaman kong emosyon ngayon.
"Kaya ko ang sarili ko, Sela. Huwag ka nang mangialam." I can't believe my mouth. For Christ's sake! Below the belt na ako.
"Ano ba, Abby? Si Sela 'yan, oh. Ba't ka ba nagkakaganyan?" Medyo naiinis nang baling sa akin ni Belle. Yeah, I know. Kahit ako, naiinis na rin sa sarili ko.
"Akyat lang ako." Hindi ko nalang sila pinansin at tumayo na. Kailangan ko lang magpalamig ng ulo. Baka may masabi pa ako na paniguradong pagsisisihan ko mamaya.
"Samahan kita--"
"Ano ba, Sela!?" Sh*t. This is it. I shouldn't have done it. Sinigawan ko siya. Dapat mas pinigilan ko pa ang sarili ko. Pero wala, tanging ang lalaki lang na 'yun ang naaalala ko kapag nakikita ko siya. Mas nadadagdagan lang ang galit ko.
"ABBY!" Sinigawan na rin ako ni Ecka. Halatang nagpipigil na rin ng galit.
My mind's not functioning right, and I hate it. I looked at all of them with rage in my eyes.
Huli kong tinignan si Sela na parang natatakot habang nakatingin rin sa akin, she's about to cry. Great, f*cking great, Abby. I just hurt her, I hate that I'm the one who's hurting her.
I can't do this. I never expected that I can be this immature, especially to her. Tinalikuran ko na sila. I just need to calm myself for me to apologize properly to her. I walked out with a heavy feet.
"Sela, hayaan mo 'yon. Hindi ka rin matitiis n'on." Thanks, Rans.
"Akala ko nakakatakot na magselos si Sela, mas nakakatakot pa pala si ate Abby. Parang humiwalay ang kaluluwa ko 'don."
