"Shen Wei, your mood swings are giving me whiplash." Zhao Yunlan knew that keeping up with the new CEO of Shen Enterprises would be a challenge.
Based on Guardian characters created by the wonderful Priest, and heavily influenced by the Korean dram...
"You have been avoiding me all this time, like you tried to suppress the personalities. It is quite understandable. You...we... have all been through much as a child," the man said with a smile.
"Are you another...personality? And why can I see you?" Shen Wei asked.
"I am no mystery. I have always been with you and the others. You were unable and unwilling to face me until now," the man said as he moved closer.
"I am...Hei Pao Shi - the Black Cloaked Envoy."
" Hei Pao Shi?" His name sounded intimidating.
"Do I scare you?" Hei Pao Shi tilted his head to the side.
"Do you think you do?" Shen Wei threw the question back at him, suddenly feeling brave. Where did this courage come from? And what was with that mask?
"Good answer. I think you are ready to see me," the man in black smiled, as he brought his hand up to his mask.
"Wait!" Shen Wei was suddenly afraid of what he may see under that mask. A monster?
"You can do it."
The man who called himself Hei Pao Shi slowly removed his mask to reveal his face. Shen Wei was puzzled - it was like looking into a mirror, because this strange man looked exactly like himself! And then he crouched to the ground and held his head, as memories flooded his brain. Images of a fist hitting him repeatedly...the pangs of hunger and the smell of dried fish...broken toys all around him...hiding to escape pain...hands tearing at his clothes and running all over his body...feelings of envy and longing as he watched well-dressed people...wanting to die, yet, wanting to live...and the strongest - feelings of sadness, helplessness and betrayal as the faces of his abusers came into focus - his own uncle and cousin Zhu Jiu.
He was filled with anger as he recalled the two faces sneering, laughing as more of their hideous acts came into view. Then there was the fear and loneliness as they locked the door behind them and left him alone in darkness. His heart swelled as he saw an image, a memory of another boy with him sometimes, someone who played with him, sang to him, and gave him hope. Then again the fear and sadness as that boy was forcibly pulled away and thrown out. He tried to focus on the boy's face, but the image faded away.
Shen Wei fell backwards against an invisible wall, his eyes tightly closed, his jaw clenched, temporarily overwhelmed by the waves of strong emotions and memories of his past. It was indeed frightening at first, yet, as he began to process each facet, he told himself that these were things that had already happened. True, Zhu Jiu had continued to bully him as an adult, and he had also just tried to kill him and Zhao Yunlan. But Shen Wei was older and wiser now, and was better prepared to keep these things from happening again, and Zhu Jiu was now in jail. He opened his eyes, and to his surprise, everything seemed brighter, the air much lighter, and there was no sinking feeling in his stomach. He felt safe, and he smiled.
"Bravo, Shen Wei," Hei Pao Shi clapped. "Now you see how brave you were, how brave you are now."
"Are you the memories of my past?" Shen Wei asked.
"I am your fear, and fear is something created by oneself, and is the fruit of one's imagination."
"My fear..." It was one thing to think about and feel it. It was quite another thing to see it as a personality.
"Yes. The bigger your fear, the scarier my appearance. If I had appeared to you, say, a year ago, I would have been so hideous and you would not have been able to handle it," Hei Pao Shi turned and walked in a circle around Shen Wei. "You have come so far since then, and now the scariest parts of me are my black cloak and hood, and this mask. Your fear is what has kept you from remembering your past, which is the first step to your healing."
To heal. An impossible wisp of a dream that he had only longed for from afar. Was Hei Pao Shi suggesting that it was now a possibility?
"You are on the path, a path that you have been walking on for years. You have just faced the horrors from the past. You now have to face the rest of the personalities and let them be a part of you, no longer as separate parts."
To become one with the others. That was what Sister Cheng had suggested.
"You no longer need them as separate entities to handle your problems. Until now, you only knew why they were created, based on what the doctors and books told you. You have confronted me, your fear. And you now fully understand why they came to be," Hei Pao Shi said gently as he turned and began to walk away. "I'll be going now."
Shen Wei was initially intimidated and a little afraid of Hei Pao Shi, but after seeing his face and finding that he was able to handle his fears from the past, he could not explain it, but he suddenly wanted to keep Hei Pao Shi from leaving.
"Where are you going?" Shen Wei asked, anything to detain Hei Pao Shi.
"No person is completely without fear. I will always be here, just not as dominating as I have been all these years," Hei Pao Shi replied as he began to walk again.
"Hei Pao Shi, one last question for now," Shen Wei asked the retreating figure, which stopped and faced him. "Is this real, or is it all in my head?"
"Of course it's in your head, Shen Wei. But that doesn't mean it isn't real," Hei Pao Shi replied good-naturedly, as he turned back and disappeared.
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