I AM

Chapter 30

A/N 1:

I was so flustered with Wattpad not letting me post and I rushed to get the last chapter out that I forgot to give the following credits for some awesome lines:

"I am your fear, and fear is something created by oneself, and is the fruit of one's imagination " - Kill Me Heal Me (kdrama)

"Is this real, or is it all in my head?" "Of course it's in your head. But that doesn't mean it isn't real." - Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore, who else?

Again, I am not trained in this field, and please do not flame me if my "analysis" is medically/clinically incorrect. I am just writing this for fun.

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"Where are you going?" Shen Wei asked, anything to detain Hei Pao Shi.

"No person is completely without fear. I will always be here, just not as dominating as I have been all these years," Hei Pao Shi replied as he began to walk again.

"Hei Pao Shi, one last question for now," Shen Wei asked the retreating figure, which stopped and faced him. "Is this real, or is it all in my head?"

"Of course it's in your head, Shen Wei. But that doesn't mean it isn't real," Hei Pao Shi replied good-naturedly, as he turned back and disappeared.

The next day, Shen Wei told Sister Cheng about Hei Pao Shi.

"I was afraid when Hei Pao Shi appeared to me - it was the first time for me to see any of the personalities, much less actually communicate with one," Shen Wei started. "Then, I saw images from my childhood. It was overwhelming at first, and I thought that I would go crazy. Then, I felt relieved, no longer afraid of my own shadow. But the strange thing is when he was leaving, I started to feel...lost, without purpose...alone. I didn't want him to go."

"You lived with your debilitating fears for so long that they became a part of your life, and you constantly fought against them. Now that you have confronted them to a certain degree, they no longer hold a dominant place in your mind, and it is natural to think that something is 'missing,' for lack of a better word," Sister Cheng said explained.

"Hei Pao Shi also used the word 'dominate.' I had not realized how much my fears had a hold on me," Shen Wei said thoughtfully. "He said that he would always be with me, because everyone has fears of some sort."

"Fear is a natural reaction to danger of any kind. How you handle it is another thing. You let your fear handle you until now. The root of your fears, in this case it was Zhu Jiu and his father, are no longer immediate threats. There will always be dangers, most likely not as threatening, and the 'fight or flight' instinct will kick in. You will be able to choose the wiser option, rather than immediately escape like you have been doing until now. I think that is what Hei Pao Shi meant, and since he is a part of you, YOU also know this as well," Sister Cheng smiled, then leaned forward. "Before you meet the other personalities, I would like to meet them first, to feel them out and get to know them a little, too. Would that be alright with you?"

"Yes, of course. They may not want to meet me," Shen Wei tried to joke.

"I'll find out when I meet them," Sister Cheng smiled.

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Shen Wei was under deep hypnosis. He lay on the couch, twitching now and then. Sister Cheng decided to reach out to Wang Zheng first, who was the first personality she had met.