Only Friends

Chapter 31 - Nice

Christmas was a success at Jill's. We had an amazing Christmas feast, and were stuffed by the end of the day. We opened presents at night and sat around the fireplace. We left for our trip with Sam and Kristie on the 27th and flew from Amsterdam to Marseille, and hired a car to drive the distance to Nice. We met up with Kristie and Sam at the hotel in Nice, and settled into our room.
"It's so nice!" Jill said, as we settled on our luggage on the floor. She went over to the balcony to look out at the view. We had ocean views of the sea and could see the village down below us. I have always been engrossed by the sea. The endless horizon. When I was younger, I always sat at the beach, near my house in Sydney, and looked out, wondering what it would be like to disappear off the edge. To travel to the end of the earth. I miss Sydney, more than anything. It is my home and will forever be my home. Dad, Mum, Luke. I miss them. Dad, especially. My connection with him is like no other. Being a daddy's girl was my calling. I was exactly what a little girl was meant to be, mesmerised by her idol, by her father. Looking at the water, reminded me of all that.
"Wow," I remarked, "it's gorgeous." I went up behind her, and wrapped my arms around her stomach, resting my head on her back. I felt her hands touch my arms, rubbing them with her thumbs.
"I could just be here forever, with you," Jill said, looking at the ocean. Forever is a big word. Sometimes too big. But it felt good coming out of her mouth. Forever. Forever.
"I'm glad we are here, together," I replied back to her. Her head glanced slightly back at me, which I saw from the corner of my eye as I stared out to the sea.
"How much time do we have before we are meeting the girls for dinner?" Jill asked me, slyly, turning around to look at me.
"Half an hour," I replied, laughing.
"Great." She picked me up and pressed her lips against mine. I wrapped my legs around her body and deepened our kiss. We were always in sync, predicting each other's moves and feelings, able to understand our two bodies as if they were one. My worries always disappear when she holds me, kisses me. But they never truly leave.

We met the girls in the lobby and tried to find a restaurant in the town to have dinner. Since knowing each other, Sam and Jill had formed quite a cute little friendship. They often talk without me there and can hold a conversation. Jill told me they even text, which I was quite bemused by. They are both outgoing in their own right, and to be honest, out of the four of us (Kristie, Sam, Jill and me) the only timid person is me. The only shy one is me. Kristie and Sam, when they first got together, were so confident in themselves and who they were, and what they were. Never doubting themselves or their relationship. Jill knows who she is too, so why don't I? They are all confident in themselves, and their identity. Why can't I forgive myself? My old self at least.

Kristie and I walked together, as Sam and Jill were up ahead.
"How have you been?" Kristie asked me, seriously.
"Fine," I said, lying. She can always tell when I start going down the bad path. Normally before even I realise it.
"I know you're lying, but I won't push. Tell me when you're ready." We both stopped walking, and she wrapped her arms around me, as I did around her. She is so safe, so secure. Being my best friend for nearly 4 years does help.
"Thank you," I said to her, with water in my eyes, "Thank you."
Sam and Jill both stopped walking and I could see them both looking back, confused. I overheard Sam speak.
"Are they okay?" She asked Jill, quietly.
"I'm not sure."

After a little while of walking, we stumbled across this quant and petite french restaurant situated in a small alleyway.
"This looks good," I said, turning around to Sam and Jill.
"Looks good to me," they both called back.
"Table pour quatre, s'il vous plaît," I said to the waiter. My fluency in French comes in handy in France.
"You speak French?" Sam asked me, bemused.
"How did you not know that?" Kristie said to Sam, "she is fluent!"
"Holy fuck," Sam replied, "learning something new every day.
"Sam, I've known you for 7 years," I said to her, laughing at how she didn't know.
"Yeah, well I don't pay that much attention."