Deception (Michael Clifford)

Seven

Kellin listened in silence.
He looked visibly shocked and upset and I can tell by the way he sank into his seat, that it wasn't what he expected to hear. I mean, I didn't want to burden him with the worry, but the memory was strangling me wherever I went, and I felt I needed to tell him. I needed to tell someone. That night impacted on my mind to a point where I can't even manage to walk through the streets of New York anymore and I think Kellin now realises why. When he surprised me in the dressing room, it brought back all those emotions and fears of when I was trapped in the alleyway and surrounded by shadows, it sent me into a state of panic that he hasn't seen for a long time and to be honest, it's even scaring me. I've been wrapped up in this irrational little world of mine for so long, to just let it all out feels like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders, and thankfully I have Kellin to help me carry it. What happened in the alley way, when that guy helped me, I don't know why but I can't get over the memory. I'm being trapped and consumed by the unknown, dwelling on this unconscious danger that's gnawing away at the back of my mind and no matter what I do to ignore it, something causes me to remember it all.

But now, mum has landed a new job with some management company she neglected to name or I neglected to hear. So we had to fly back out of Michigan early, and are now staying at a hotel in Chicago. I didn't want to leave. If I could have stayed in Michigan for a few more weeks I would have, gladly, but where mum goes I go and for now this is where we're staying. We've been here for a few days or weeks? I don't know... I don't really keep track anymore, and mums been out most of the time so I've been left to my own devices aimlessly wondering around the hotel. Having no one to talk to but myself and having nothing to think about than my irrational fears. It's been a pretty pitiful stay to be honest. Mum has offered a few times to take me to work with her, but I've declined. What am I supposed to do all night? Sit in a room and talk to myself? I do that enough in this damn hotel. Plus I've been quite moody lately, jumping between short tempered and irritable, so mums refrained from talking to me too much. I don't blame her, I wouldn't want to talk to me like this either.

As much as I've been able to avoid going to work with mum so far, I can't tonight. Apparently they are holding an event or something and I need to come along because she won't be back until about 2am. I don't see why I can't stay at the hotel, she's come back that late before and technically on Australian terms I am an adult and can be left alone. But there was no reasoning with her and she made it quite clear that I have no choice in the matter, so I'm currently sat in the back seat of the company van on our way to the venue. I decided I couldn't be bothered with anyone else's opinion tonight or creating a good impression for my mum, so I chucked on my black skinnies with a baggy grey jumper, whose sleeves are slightly too long for my arms, and tied my hair up loosely in a messy bun. It feels comfortable, and I'm playing with the wooden beads on my bracelets when the van suddenly eases to a stop, making me look up. I peer over the passenger seat and through the tinted glass of the wind screen to see a sleek, well lit building loom up in front of us.
"We're here," Mum says over her shoulder, and I unstrap my seatbelt to jump out of the van, letting the door close softly behind me. I look around at the unloading area in which we had parked, a couple of cars were dotted around the sides and a large truck is parked to the far left, must be for whatever equipment was needed for tonight. I think mum said its a concert? I follow her and the driver across the tar mack to a large door on the side of the building and step inside. Peering over mums shoulder as we walk down a white hall way with several doors leading off it. She picks one to her left and twists the handle to step inside. To me it just looks like a dressing room, empty at the moment, but there are a few couches sitting vigil against the back wall, and a lonely closet standing to the left.
"Ill meet you back here about 1:30am okay?" Mum states behind me, "Don't get in anyone's way and try not to wander off, I'm sure you can keep yourself busy for a few hours?" She asks politely, and I nod without turning around. Without another word, she eases out of the room and closes the door behind her, leaving me standing awkwardly in the middle of the sterile room. I pick one of the more inviting looking leather couches and make my way over, shrugging off my rucksack and slinging it onto the seat before collapsing down and sinking into the cushions. I prod the leather, it's pretty comfy, so I reach over and pull open my bag to grab my sketchbook and pencils. I'd been working on a portrait of Jack Barakat, from All Time Low, and last time I'd worked on it I managed to at least finish his face, so I decide to start on his hair. I like to draw, it gives me something to think about, keeps me busy on the road I guess.