Deception (Michael Clifford)

~Interlude~

This is just an extra chapter sorta thing, I hope you enjoy. I know I said they talk in the next chapter, but this isn't part of the chapter :P ill post that soon. enjoy!

***

I stand silently.
Watching just beyond the shadows, keeping my distance.
I told them to go back with out me, as I always do. They don't argue anymore, just accept it solemnly. 'Alright,' they say, or 'see you tomorrow.' They don't tell me to be careful anymore either, they don't need to. These are my streets. I know what lurks around out here. All the creatures that come out after dark.
Sick people.
They used to try and stop me too, place a hand on my shoulder and persuade me to come back. Tell me that they care. But it never worked. One time they didn't listen, pushed me too far. I spit at the trash can next to me.
Why do I do this.
If I was in my right mind I'd probably tell myself this is pointless. Tell myself to go back for once, curl up in a warm bed and get some sleep.
But I'm not.
I tighten my grip on the almost empty bottle in my right hand. The crisp chill in the air numbing the ends of my bare fingers. I don't like what I've become. I never used to be like this. I swallow hard. I was happy once, carefree even, but it's grown on me the past 15 years. Like a mould. Slowly creeping into all the little cracks of my soul and making itself more and more at home. As I think back to about 10, 15 years ago, painful memories start to tug at my heart. I could pretend I didn't choose this. Like its all someone else's fault, and I do that sometimes. Throwing bottles at the pavement out of anger for the man who's done this to my family. But in the end I know that this was all my decision, and that's what hurts.

My breath billows in front of my face, creating small whisps of white cloud that just as quickly dissipates into the night. I could do with a smoke right now, and I lick my lips tantalisingly, but the spark from a lighter would attract attention.
Sighing, I focus my heavy eyes again and watch protectively from where I lean against the cold brick. I had to make sure this worked. That it was all worth it and she actually came tonight. Though I could have just asked Jack, ask if he saw her. No, this is not his business. It's not mine either actually.
But as she sits out there alone, shivering, waiting... I can't help but feel a pang of curiosity. Something about her draws me in. Attracting to a side of me that I thought was lost many years ago.
I shouldn't feel curious.
Curiosity is dangerous.
Curiosity killed the cat.

Asking too many questions can lead to trouble. I learnt that the hard way. I bring my hand up through my hair and rub the back of my head.
But I don't mean to be so hostile.
I lower my arm and try to warm my hands, taking another swig from the Jack Daniels. But she didn't know? Her surprise did look pretty genuine, though you can never be sure.
People can be deceptive.

If I could manage a smile in front of her though, maybe she wouldn't be so wary, but even that simple gesture is lost to me now. Ripped out of me from years of living in constant fear. Fear of getting too close.
I watch from across the road. She's sat with her legs drawn up to her chest, like they're protecting her. She's illuminated by the harsh light above her head. It soaks into her hair, a dark and rich colour of brown, though this light doesn't do it justice. I know that during the day it's really more burgundy red.
I grind my teeth anxiously. I shouldn't be here, what if she sees me. What if I scare her like last time, and she trips and falls. I shake my head, swallowing hard. That was terrible, as soon as she fell I wanted to rush over, help her up, ask if she's okay. But no. I turned and fled like a coward.
I do this to protect them.
I feel like it's my duty now. To walk these streets, keep an eye on things, make sure everything runs smoothly, make sure no one gets hurt. The others don't understand. I don't expect them too, they don't know.

As I let my thoughts drift I realise she's lifted her head. Looking up and down the street with one ear bud held away from her ear. I gulp nervously. I shouldn't be here, I repeat to myself. I know she came, that's all I needed to find out, I should leave. But I feel like she's not safe until she gets onto that bus. I can't just leave her by herself, not this time of night.

I back away slightly, so I'm deeper in the shadows, but making sure not to trip over any of the rubbish. My stomach twists anxiously, making me feel sick. I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't- As I take another step back, she turns her head, and I freeze. One foot still hanging in the air. She stares straight at me through the darkness, locking onto me with her silver, glittering eyes. My blood turns to ice in my veins and i swear i felt my heart skip a beat. Time stands still, and inside me something triggers.
No no no! Not again!!
I try desperately to look away, but it's impossible. My fists start to clench, and the muscles in my arms tense, threatening to take over. I push it down as hard as I can but its fighting, screaming inside me to be let out. My jaw tightens and a haze fills my vision. She's still locked onto me. My heartbeat rises in panic, the only part of me that still realises this is wrong is slowly fading. NO STOP!! I scream at myself internally. My grip strangling the neck of the bottle in my hand, squeezing so tight I'm sure it could shatter into a thousand tiny shards any second now. I wish desperately it would. It would serve as some kind of distraction. My body pulses with energy and anger, intoxicated by the level of alcohol in my blood, electrifying every muscle, and I direct my last tendrils of control into tightening my hand around the bottle, crushing it, willing it to shatter. She stares into my eyes dangerously, even from this far away, it could be tempting fate.

Then she lifts a hand to her face. That's it. That's all I needed. As she breaks the eye contact I feel the energy drain from my body and I take in a huge breath.
Released.
Exhausted.
My foot lands back on the ground and my grip on the bottle loosens. The ground sways beneath me and I feel like I'm going to pass out.
I can't do this anymore. I can't.
I turn my back on the nameless girl and stagger up the alley, shuffling with my head down and wisps of fringe tickling my eyelids. Taunting me, poking at me to cry, I don't, I hold it in. Though as I reach the wall at the back and run at it to launch myself over the top. I feel a cold, lone tear trickle down my cheek.
Why did I do this.
Look at what I've become. This is his fault. I wish he'd never set foot in our lives!

I shake my head. I should of known she'd see me, what am I going to say next time I see her? I won't say anything. Ill stay silent.
I grip the top of the brick wall and feel it scrape against my palms as I pull myself up, boots scraping desperately up the rough stone. I clutch onto the bottle of Jacks still, and a few drops of precious liquid splashes onto the ground below me as I swing my legs around.
Fuck the Jacks!! This is all the Jacks fault!! Fucking alcohol. Poisonous liquid, turning even the most respectable of people into complete assholes. I hurl the bottle at the opposite wall, expecting it to smash and satisfy my rage, but it just bounces, landing irritably with a loud clang on the floor.
The anger rises in my throat and my hands pull into fists against the brick. Ignoring the drop I launch myself off the wall and land awkwardly on my left foot, putting my hands up to steady myself I rush over and grab the bottle. This time with more force, I let out a low growl and throw it directly at the ground "FUCK!" I cover my face with my arm as it finally smashes, scattering pieces of broken glass across the floor of the alley. I stand there for a few moments and catch my breath, staring angrily at the broken bottle. The shards glint in the dim light, like stars in the night sky. Almost beautiful.
No.

They start moving, swirling together, I blink a few times. This is not me. What am I doing!?
"Leave me ALONE!!" I shout at the broken bottle. Kicking a few of the pieces across the floor. I puff angrily, and look around at the dark brick walls of the alley. Though my vision starts to blur, and the ground beneath me sways, making me stagger slightly. I collide with a wall, lifting my hand to grip the stone.
But then yelp in pain as I put weight on my left foot and collapse to the floor, clutching my ankle. Pain shoots up my legs and grips my bone. Holy fuck what have I done?! My face screws up with anguish. I shouldn't have come out here tonight. This was a terrible idea. I pry off my left boot to reveal a purple and swollen ankle, and I wince as it touches the icy chill of the night air. My cold hands examine the injury, tentatively touching the swollen flesh. Numbing it. I wince as I place it down on the cold stone of the floor. My eyes start to close, heavy, tired. I need to get back. I need to get back. Get back... Slowly I drift into darkness. Being consumed by the poison in my blood. The cold, dark building looming above me fades, and before long, I'm engulfed by the bliss of sleep.

***

Ps. THANKYOU so much!! for over 700 reads!!!!!!!!!!!! :D I LOVE YOU