Deception (Michael Clifford)

Twenty Six

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The venue is huge.

I mean 3 times the capacity of the normal gigs. I look around at the thousands of seats, neatly ordered into rows and blocks, sitting vigil like a silent blue army. It's creepy when the place is empty like this.
I shift uncomfortably in the hard plastic seat of the arena, my feet propped up over the one in front, and my back slouched.
The day of the concert has come, finally, the original reason why we bothered to come to London in the first place.
I'm over it already. I was excited to come to London for a change, to get away from the American accents and confusing road rules. I mean seriously, who drives on the right?
I brush a piece of auburn hair out of my face.
But now I want to leave. I haven't enjoyed London, and it's not just the weather that's dampened my mood.

I look up as four figures appear on the stage, guitars swinging from their shoulders, and sink lower into my chair.
We've basically gone back to square one.
Michael has returned to 'normal'. Meaning that the only expression he has on his face makes you think he's about to throw a dagger, and any conversation you get out of him, well... What conversation?
Any time that I've been near enough to approach, he turns his back coldly, and stalks off into another room. My heart weighs in frustration.
I want to talk to him. Ask if he's okay after what happened the other night. But it's clear that he doesn't feel the same.

I pass my eyes up to where he stands on the stage. Black fringe covering his face, grey jumper hanging loosely off his soft shoulders. Yet his demeanour is anything but soft. His jaw is pulled tight, legs rigid, and his eyes sharp as he silently watches Ashton address Luke.
A shiver passes over my skin. The way he's always watching, it unnerves me. It's like he's constantly on guard.
Though I must admit, the black hair suits him.

I jump as my phone suddenly buzzes in my pocket, dragging my attention away from the boy. I pull it out to receive a text from Kellin.
'Do you toast marshmallows, or do you roast them?'
I frown. Staring at my phone and reading the text again. What is he on about?
'Um.. Roast? :/'
'But roasting is when you put something in the oven isn't it?'
I'm not sure where this discussion is going.
'You roast marshmallows over a fire Kellin..'
'But they are toasted, like when you toast bread, roasting is for chickens'
I laugh at that.
'You can roast food other than just chicken'
'You can't roast marshmallows'
I breathe out, still managing a smile. Strangely enough, I miss these little arguments.
'If you're so sure then why did you ask me?'
'Me and Jesse have been arguing about it all day, he thinks it's roast, I think it's toast'
'Then I'm on Jesse's side'
'Of course you are :P'
I smile to myself lightly. Thinking back to the days of traveling around with Kellin's band, much younger than I am now. So much has changed.

The sound of a guitar coming to life on stage makes me look up, and I see Luke standing in front of the microphone. My attention drifts to Ashton, positioned behind his kit and adjusting certain cymbals. Calum is standing to the side, his hoodie up as he tunes his bass.
I flick my eyes to the left, the hovering figure of Michael coming into view just in front of the black amps.
Soundcheck.

Another text makes my phone buzz in my hand.
'Oh and there's something Jesse wanted to tell you, I told him to do it whilst you were in Michigan but he didn't want to upset you..'
I frown to myself. What could Jesse want to tell me that would make me upset?
'Go on...'
He doesn't reply for about a minute. Then a text comes through.
'He's going to be taking a break from the band for a while. He doesn't know how long, but there's also a chance he might not come back. He told me months ago, but he hasn't told the others yet, he wanted you to know because your like a sister to him, to all of us'
I stare at my phone. Reading the words again.
Jesse is leaving? Leaving the band?
Initially I'm shocked.
I can't understand what could have lead to him making such a decision. He's been with Sleeping With Sirens since day one. He doesn't necessarily need to tell me, I'm not in the band.
But Jesse is like a brother to me.
I've known him for as long as I've known Kellin. To know that he's leaving the band, it's like loosing a part of myself. I know that he will still be around sometimes, but it won't be like before. It will be different. I can see why he thinks I would be upset, but I'm not angry. I'm just sad. It's wont be the same without Jesse on tour.