Taint Me More ☑️

Chapter Thirty Three

When my sister died, I didn't hang around long enough to watch her be buried, not just because I wanted to get far away from my mother, but mainly because I was wallowing in guilt and self pity. I couldn't stand to be there to watch as she was laid down beneath the earth, knowing I sort of had a hand in her death.

I did think many times during the years to go back to Portland to visit her grave, but I always chickened out at the last minutes.

So watching them lower my father to the ground made me feel completely detached. It made me feel a little lonelier than I felt months before now. It made me feel a similar wave of sadness, the kind I brought with me from Portland.

But as I looked around me, my eyes falling on the few people present at his funeral, I knew I wasn't alone, I had people who loved me, new found love. Not just from Aaron, but from my best friend in the whole world; Gabby, her sister and her boyfriend. Even Brian came to the funeral, he only met my father once at the movie premiere, although it was under sour circumstances, but it was really thoughtful of him to show up to give his condolences.

Whatever tension had risen between us, it still stood strong and heavy. He dropped a single rose on my father's coffin and eyed me, coming up to where I stood with an unreadable expression as he eyed Aaron standing a few feet away. He gave me single nod, and without a word, he walked away

I felt a sting in my chest at the silent exchange. I think I still felt guilty for what I'd done to him.

Aaron came up to me and squeezed my shoulder, he turned me to face him and lifted my face with his finger. "No regrets." Were his only words as he hugged me tightly.

That was all I needed to hear to ease me of the heaviness I felt.

We returned to my apartment and we all waited as Adrian cooked dinner. It was thanksgiving and I was a little reluctant to have my father buried on a holiday, but to our surprise, my father had already planned his own funeral, by himself. It was his way of letting us know he was at peace and that he had accepted his exit.

I was now a dog owner, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Bambi was truly a great companion, since I collected him from my father's neighbor, he hadn't left my side for a minute. He was the most adorable little creature I'd ever set my eyes on, and I tried all I could to give him the love he used to receive from my papa.

There was a knock on the door, Bambi let out a small bark as Heather went to answer it.

It was my mother.

"Ilaria?" She called as she stepped inside.

My thought was that she was here to tell me she was leaving, since she no longer had anything to keep her here in the city.

I was still feeling strange about having her around and we had barely said anything to ourselves all week since my father's death even though she was around more than usual.

"I know things haven't been exactly smooth with us, but I thought it'd be important to let you know that I'm moving in full time, here in the city, and I'll be staying in your father's apartment." She said.

I chuckled humorlessly. "Do I even have a say in that? I mean, it's so bold of you to waltz in unexpectedly, into our lives. Into 'his' life and you think you should hang around after he's gone? Haven't you got a life and 'reputation' back at Portland?" I asked, making emphasis on the "reputation".