It's Complicated - Chris Evans x Reader

Chapter Nineteen - Surprise

"What did you just say?" I replied quietly, in complete and utter shock. 

Chris placed his hand softly on my cheek and gently caressed it with his thumb, whilst not breaking eye contact.

"I said I love you Y/N." He repeated softly with a smile. 

Panic quickly set in. All those years of never being loved and there it was. He loved me, but why? Why me? I would just let him down. All those feelings I had earlier began creeping back in, the fear, the anxiety that came with falling for this man. I couldn't cope. My eyes began filling with tears and so I jumped from the bed, grabbing my shirt and throwing it over my body as I heard Chris sit up behind me.

"What's wrong?" Chris asked, sounding confused.

"I'm sorry...Chris....I can't....You can't..." I choked as the tears began free falling down my face and I attempted to make my way to the door. 

A large hand gripped my arm, holding me in place. I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"Y/N what's going on? Talk to me?" He questioned.

"You can't love me Chris. You can't." I whimpered. 

"Why not? Why is that so wrong?" Chris asked in a more stern voice than before.

"Because I'm not worth it! I'm going to let you down. I don't deserve love Chris. You know that!" I cried. 

Chris managed to tug on my arm, pulling me into his chest as he gently stroked my hair, allowing me to sob over his naked torso. 

"Don't do this Y/N. Don't let those thoughts win. Don't shut me out. I'm here. I love you." He said slowly and firmly as he continued holding me comfortingly. 

"Chris...I...I...c...." I sobbed, unable to form any words. It was so strange, feeling so broken and damaged in those moments whilst feeling safe in his arms. I never wanted to leave them.

"Shhh." Chris hushed, "It's okay, I'm here. Just come back to bed. Let me be here for you." 

My mind wanted desperately to leave, to escape and be alone to deal with my thoughts, but my body wouldn't move. It was craving Chris' touch and so I gave into him. 

He led us both back to the bed, where he sat me down and then climbed in next to me, laying down and pulling me into his chest. The rhythm of his heart beat was playing in my ear as he slowly stroked the length of my arm with his hand, keeping his other arm tightly wrapped around my body. I made no attempt to withhold my tears, allowing the gentle sobs to release and slowly soaking his chest. 

"I love you Y/N and I'm not expecting you to say it back or even feel it. I just need you to know that you are worthy of love and you deserve it." Chris said calmly, "The way you've been treated in the past, is not your fault. You are incredible and strong and I just wish that there was a way you could see yourself the way I see you. The way everyone sees you."

I tried desperately to take it all in, but it was like there was a block in my brain, filtering everything and only taking hold of the negative things. This is Chris' house. I'm not worthy of love. I can't cope with the fear of losing him. He was better off without me in his life. 

I closed my eyes tight, trying desperately to push the feelings back into the depths of my brain, with Chris attentively stroking my arm, until I eventually fell asleep.

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The following day started like any other, which was a welcomed relief. I needed some time to sort through my thoughts and a somewhat normal day would definitely help alleviate any additional stress.