Shehnaaz Kaur Gill pov
My life what should I say about it. Mujhe to pata hi nahi ke baba ji ne kya soch ke rakha hai mere liye.
My life took a U-turn after entering bigg boss house it was the biggest opportunity for me to grow up, to rise and shine in my career. After having a controversy with established Punjabi actress Himanshi Khurrana my career was destroyed. I was blamed for all just because I was new then. Everyone in the Punjabi industry trusted her and supported too. Eventually I was banned in Punjabi industry, people used to troll me like anything.
But then Bigg Boss wow....!!! What a great opportunity. I went to that house to show people how actually I am in real so that people will love the real me. Honestly, I never thought that I would be receiving a lot of love and that so not only from India but from all over the world. I thought I will not able to survive in the game, for me maximum was 2-3 weeks but then destiny. Everything got changed.
From 29 September 2019 to 15 February we all were locked in that mad house.
I met Sidharth Shukla there honestly I never knew him. Sidharth was my guardian angel in the house. We lived more than 150 days in that mad house together. No doubt ups and downs were there, we used to fight but ended up resolving the fight because we can't live without eachother. Everyone tried to break our bond but by God's grace nobody could. Wo meri aadat bann gaya tha, usse baat nahi karti thi to mere pet (stomach) mei dard hone lag jaata tha.
I thought it was just friendship but when he left to secret room because he was suffering from typhoid, I realised it was more than friendship. I used to talk to Bigg Boss and ask that how's he and please send him soon because I wasn't able to live in that house without him. Bigg Boss sab yaha khud ko intelligent samjhte hai but mujhe sirf Sidhaarrttthhhh hi intelligent lagta hai.
Sidharth Shukla - big man with a kid like heart. He used to tease me, annoy me a lot by comparing me to another girl but when our friendship turned into love we both didn't realised. Since I am loud so people used to think me as one-sided lover. I even said to him "tu mera hai or tu mera hi hai mai phaad ke rakh dungi sabko yaha....mujhe game nahi mujhe tujhe jeetna hai or mai chahti hu ke tu jeete" because I had realised what he is in my life and I didn't wanted to loose him at any cost. He was my Sidharth, my Kullu, my nona bacha, my cutie pie.
And when Salman Sir announced that the winner of Bigg Boss 13 is Sidharth Shukla, I was the happiest. I didn't want to go back to punjab that's why I signed a project named MSK, I thought it will be a fun show but it turned out to be a Swayamwar. Like really at this young age marriage that so with any random guy.... No....!!! Never.....!!! I can't think of anyone when my Sidharth is here. I didn't want to do the show and then guess what.... Who saved me.....??
Obviously mera Kullu, mera ganda bacha...he asked the makers to do some changes and they agreed. And during MSK our first album "Bhula Dunga" came it was a big hit. It crossed the mark of 100 Million. Then fortunately MSK got ended due to pandemic and I didn't choose any guy because everyone know that "Shehnaaz to sirf Sidharth ki hai".
He is my everything, he gave me a mother like Rita Maa, two elder sisters Preeti dii and Neetu dii, Riya (his niece) who was a friend to me. I was the happiest. What could I have ask from baba ji I had my Kullu, a loving family, name, fame, popularity.
We went to Bigg Boss OTT for guest appearance where he said "Nation ki jaan bann gayi yeh" kanjar yeh nii bol sakta tha ke meri bhi jaan hai.
We also went to Dance Deewane in Love Special Episode.... Now he gave his logical reason that why he was in love special with me... Ohh God mera Kullu wo or uske logics. Kabhi kabhi aise statement bol deta hai jo khud uska juloos nikaal deti hai. We went to Punjab to shoot Shona-Shona our next music video, he made so many reels there and even posted pictures. He literally clicked a picture in khet but shorts nahi jeans pehen ke with iconic Shahrukh Khan pose. And our fans trended like mad people. Wo shuru khud krta hai or bill mujh pe faadta hai....
We were in our happy place. I was in my safe place, I was with him. We both were at the highest level of professional and personal life.
But 2 September came and my life was destroyed. My baby, my Sidharth left the world.... Now who will pamper me, love me to no end, will do each and every crazy thing I asked for. He left but took a part of me with himself, the part he loved the most my naughtiness, my craziness, my talking non-stop.
I cried, I cried a lot.... I asked Maa to not to burn him he hates heat but nobody listened to me and they burnt his body in front of me. My Sidharth died in my lap and was burnt in front of my eyes and I was helpless. Again baba ji was taking a test of mine but like this...this was not acceptable. He was my breathe now how will I live. For whom I will make tea and do his little-little work, with whom I will have endless conversation which are of no use. I loved him, I love him but nobody understood it except our family and few people.
Once he told me about media that they are hungry vultures, always hunting for some news, be it good or bad. They doesn't care what someone would be feeling, they just want masala, just want trp.
On 3 September 2021 his wordings was proved right, when at the time of his cremation ceremony they just wanted our reactions. They wanted my reaction that am I crying or not, what I am wearing and people on social media I got to know that they were judging me. They said I was there for sympathy.....how heartless people can be.
Now I am living with a brutal reality that Sidharth is no more with me but only his physical presence is missing. I always feel him around, watching me. He wanted me to the biggest star and now here I am working day and night to complete his dream. To make him feel proud. I know my baby will be feeling proud. Now, I want to have a connection with God and want to ask me that why only me......why my Sidharth ? Didn't he thought about his mother, his sisters, his niece and me.
I believe that we will meet again if not in this life then in another life. Our fans used to trend "SidNaaz Is An Emotion" but now SidNaaz Niran hai.
Mere rone se kisi ko khushi milti hai to wohi socho, mujhe dukh mei dekhna hai to mujhe dukhi samjh lo. Par mai hu yaha apne Sidharth ke liye. Mai jiyungi mai uski khushiyon ko mnaaungi, mai uske liye jiyungi.
Ab Shehnaaz sirf Shehnaaz nahi ab usmei ek hissa Sidharth ka bhi hai.
Ab sabko Shehnaaz mei Sidharth dikhega.
Shehnaaz To Sidharth :-
Naa meri Ibadat mei kami thi...
Naa uski mohabbat mei....
Shaayad qismat ko humaara milna qubool nahi tha.....
Isliye to usne mujhse meri Ibadat
Or tumse tumhaari mohabbat cheen
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Ok I cried while writing this chapter, this was and maybe will be the toughest chapter of this whole story.
Poetry is again written by me.
Please do vote and comment
With lots of love
~ Zee❤️
