If I should fall

One

Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be a good day, and here's why:

Evan pushed his computer to the side as he reached up and grabbed his meds. Why? Why was today going to be a good day? It was the first day of school, so, most likely, it was going to be an awful day. Evan drummed his fingers on the side of the keyboard. 

Because, today is a new opportunity. A chance to make some new friends.

Evan sighed in frustration and deleted the whole line. Of course he wasn't going to make any new friends. And "new opportunities," only therapists believed in that kind of crap. Yes, the letter was for his therapist, but still: he could hardly sit here and bullshit the whole thing. Checking his watch, Evan realised he had 45 minutes before he left for school. Ugh.

Because maybe something unexpected will happen today. Maybe today won't be awful. You never know, right? And if nothing good happens and today is awful, at least I have another 364 days before my next first day.

Evan closed his computer and groaned. Of course he didn't really feel that way at all; he would much rather have stayed in bed all day. But his mom had booked an appointment with his therapist today, and if he didn't show her something, she would be annoyed.

Evan rolled out of bed and pulled on a worn pair of tan pants from the floor. It wasn't as if people were going to notice what he wore anyways. Rifling in his closet for a clean shirt, Evan pulled out a blue striped polo. Was it cool enough? Evan didn't know. Did it go with the pants? Evan also didn't know. Who cares, anyways? Evan tugged it over his head.

"Honey, I'm leaving now!" Evan heard his mom call from downstairs. 

"Ok then," Evan called back half-heartedly, knowing full well she would come check on him before she left anyways. Thirty seconds later his suspicions were confirmed as she poked her head round the door. 

"Hey honey. First day, huh! That's exciting!" She exclaimed happily, a huge smile plastered on her face.

"Yeah," Evan answered dully, staring at the ceiling.

"Remember to eat before you leave, yeah? And don't forget to bring your lunch!" Heidi didn't miss a beat, still smiling massively.

"Yeah," was the unenthusiastic reply from Evan, who was now pulling at a loose thread in his pants. 

Heidi's smile was still fixed to her face, but it seemed a little more forced.

"Have fun, ok? I know, you can get the other kids to sign your cast! That's  perfect ice breaker!" Heidi chirped, chucking a sharpie in Evan's direction. He slowly picked it up and put it in his pocket.

"Yeah."

***

Wow that was awful! First chapters are the worst. I promise it gets better!