If I should fall

Ten

Evan walked uncertainly into school. Last night had been a complete disaster. But it was ok. Evan was willing to make it ok. And hopefully Connor would also be ok. And then everything could be ok and it would be ok forever. Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok. OK. OK. OK. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK, OK EVAN???? Breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe....

"Uh, Ev. Um, you ok?" Connor was nervous, really nervous, Evan could tell. 

Evan looked at him, eyes wide. 

"YEAH. Um, yeah. I mean yeah. Ohmygod yes, yes, everything is fine it's fine YES IT'S GOOD VERY GOOD I'M GOOD WHAT AM I DOING I'm so sorry ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod...."

Evan could feel his breathing quickening, there was noise everywhere but it was in his ears, in his head, all around him, covering him, strangling him, choking him-- 

"Evan!"

Evan pulled himself out of his state long enough to allow Connor to half drag, half carry him into an empty classroom. Connor pushed him gently into a chair and closed the door, blocking out the noise.

"Better?" Connor asked gently.

He nodded, trying to steady his breathing. 

"Alright just breathe with me ok? In.... hold.... out.... in.... hold.... out. Keep going, alright? Just breathe. In.... hold.... out. There we go."

They kept going for a while, staring fixedly into each other's eyes, breathing until Evan's breaths had levelled out.

"Hey, uh..." Connor tore his eyes away from Evan's. "Um... about yesterday...."

"I'm sorry," both of them said at the same time. Connor's head snapped up again. "Wait, what? why are you sorry?" 

Evan looked down at his hands. They were shaking slightly. "Because, because I ruined your surprise and I ruined your evening and... I panicked," he said, keeping his voice as steady as he could.

"You're apologising for the panic attack that I caused?" Connor asked softly.

"Not a panic attack. Not that. Just a panic," Evan countered defiantly. Connor shrugged it off, knowing it was probably a sensitive topic.

"Still doesn't make it your fault."

"Wait, so.... so," Evan took a deep breath and forced himself to look up into Connor's eyes. "So... you're not... angry. At me."

"Of course not," Connor whispered. He really wanted to take Evan's hand, but he didn't have the guts. Instead he ran his hand through his hair again. 

"Ok. Ahhh, really? Ok!" Evan smiled shyly.

"Soooo.... I totally get it if you don't want to, but we can go to the orchard today if you want to instead. And like, Zoe can come or whatever so I don't drive," Connor laughed.

"Really? Sure, I'd love to," Evan smiled. "So.... still friends?" He asked nervously.

Connor's heart sunk at the word, but he replied anyways: "Still friends."

And that made Evan's heart fly.