If I should fall

five

"Evan." 

Evan's eyes flew open, he whipped his head upwards where it came into contact with another person.

"Owwwwwwww!" Jared moaned, clutching his nose. "Ah, fuckin' hell, I have a nosebleed."

"I'm sorry-- I'm sorry, what?!" Evan stood up and began pacing around his room. "Jared! Why are you in my house?"

Jared glared at him. "Spare key. You gave it to me for emergencies. Now, I think the real question here is what the hell are you doing asleep at your desk at nine o'clock in the morning?" 

Evan groaned and sank to the floor. "I don't know. I, um, fell asleep last night. Er, at my desk. I was doing homework," he said, gesturing to the books around him.

"Evan, what the hell!"

"What?!" Evan was starting to get angry. Why was it any of Jared's business?

"Evan! You're doing that thing again!" Jared yelped. 

Evan took a deep breath, realising that the room had become blurry. He blinked a couple times. Round about a year ago, Evan had started holding his breath when he got stressed. Not just like, a little bit stressed; he only did it when something was really bothering him. Jared had noticed it first, and told him to tell his therapist. "This is serious, you could, like, die!" Jared had said. Evan didn't want to say anything. His mom didn't need more to worry about and he didn't want Dr Sherman thinking he was any more of a freak than he already thought. He had given Jared two limited-edition cherry blossom bath bombs to keep him quiet, and they had left it at that. Now, though, he was doing it again.

"I'm sorry, Jared. I know it scares you. It scares me too. I-- I'm sorry," Evan whispered to Jared, who looked properly angry now. 

"Ok, Evan, enough. You're either gonna tell me what's wrong, or I'm telling your mom about the breathey thing," Jared ordered. He still looked angry.

Evan closed his eyes. "I just, um, feel really stressed right now, Jared."

Jared barked out a laugh. "Yeah, no shit! What the hell is going on?!"

Evan opened his eyes but they were still misted over. "I was really happy last week. I was really happy, and we were at school. You-- you know Connor? He's nice, I really like him. I'm happy, Jared. And it scares me, because..." Evan's voice dropped to a whisper. "I don't remember the last time I was happy and I know it's all gonna come crashing down."

Jared awkwardly patted him on the shoulder. "Alright, Evan. Thanks for sharing. I made you food downstairs, that's the reason I was here by the way, my parents have banned me from using the stove cos I set the cupboard on fire last week." He stood up and brushed his shirt off. "Um, call me if you need anything. I'll be off."

And he quickly left.

***

Evan picked himself up off the floor and slowly went downstairs. Sure enough, there was a stack of pancakes on a plate on the kitchen counter. 

Despite not having eaten anything last night, Evan tipped the whole lot in the trash. 

He wasn't hungry, he told himself.