If I should fall

four

"Right, everyone, if you've finished putting your lab stuff away then you can go to lunch," the teacher called out. Evan could feel his hands sweating under the table. Lunch was always the worst. 

"Oi, Hansen, you ready?" 

Evan blinked. He and Connor had worked pretty well together the whole lesson, sure, but he'd still assumed that Connor would ditch him as soon as he got the chance. However, it didn't appear so. They were the last two in the classroom and still, Connor was waiting for him.

"Um, I--" Evan stuttered, caught off guard.

Connor raised an eyebrow, but not in a mean way. 

"Nervous one, aren't you? Come on." He gently grabbed Evan's shoulders and steered him out of the classroom. Evan could feel his face getting warm. What on earth was Connor doing? It felt nice though. As if someone actually cared.

As soon as they were out of the classroom, the moment ended. There were kids everywhere, running up and down the corridors, talking to each other, yelling... he even saw a girl dressed from head to toe in red slap another girl in the face. Connor seemed to realise where they were, because he snatched his hands away from Evan and quickly walked away. 

Part way down the corridor though, he stopped. He raised his hand at Evan in acknowledgement, gave him a brief smile, and then walked off again. 

Evan smiled back, and went to wave, but Connor had already disappeared into the crowds of kids. Instead of heading to lunch, Evan turned and walked the other way, to the library.

***

Dear Evan Hansen,

Maybe today actually could turn out ok. And maybe this year's gonna be ok. I don't know. But there's this kid, Connor, who I never really noticed up until now. I think that everyone thinks he's weird. Maybe he is, what do I know, really. But he was nice to me today, nicer than anyone at school every has been. I actually enjoyed the lesson I had with him. I didn't think I would feel anything like this on the first day of school, but I actually feel happy, like I've accomplished something. And then when he left for lunch, it was almost as if that happiness went away. Like I didn't get properly sad or anything, but it was just a little bit of a let down. I don't know. But like, I'm happy to be sad. Does that make sense? I'm happy to be sad because I didn't know that Connor leaving could make me unhappy. 

Sincerely, Me.

 As Evan read through it and went to print it off, he realised it was the longest letter he'd written in months. He smiled to himself and went to collect it from the printer.

But there was a problem.

A big problem.

Oh shit. Oh shit ohshitohshitohshitohshit.

Someone was standing by the printer, their head tilted, reading whatever was there. The letter was there. Someone was reading Evan's letter. Someone in black, with a khaki shoulder bad slung casually across his arm and tangled brown shoulder length curls. READING THE LETTER.

Evan felt like he was about to pass out. He was about to turn and walk away when Connor turned around, the letter in his hand. His curls covered his eyes and his head was still slightly bent, so Evan couldn't see his facial expression. Oh my god I'm about to pass out. He's about to hit me. Oh my god.

Suddenly there was a piece of paper being roughly shoved in Evan's right hand and a voice was muttering "I think this is yours."

Evan looked up nervously, staring up into Connor's face. Connor was clearly trying hard to look indifferent, but Evan could see that he was at least a little bit pleased. Connor roughly grabbed Evan's left arm, with the cast, and Evan flinched away out of instinct.

Connor paused and looked at him. 

"Oh, god, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? I was just gonna sign your cast. Since, well, since no one's signed it yet. I just thought I could..." Connor trailed off nervously, biting his lip.

"Oh no of course you didn't hurt me I just sometimes well actually quite a lot of times get nervous and just like overreact but like not on purpose and um yeah that's what happened um actually um if you still want to sign my cast I have a sharpie if you want oh my god that's so rude I'm sorry I'm being pushy you don't have to sign it if you don't want to I'm sorry oh my god I' so sorry."

There was an awkward silence for a few minutes as Evan's words hung in the air.

"You don't have to be sorry all the time, you know," Connor said gruffly, still holding onto Evan's arm. "Could I get that sharpie please?"

Evan dug around in his pocket and handed him the sharpie, his hand shaking. He could see that Connor saw it, but instead of a loud reaction he just nodded his head slowly, and gave Evan the most understanding look he'd ever been given.

Dropping his eyes, he proceeded to sign the cast, taking his time with each letter. When he finally pulled away, the word CONNOR stood out against the white in big block letters, taking up the whole space. 

"Thanks-- um, thanks Connor," Evan whispered, trying not to smile.

Connor smiled widely, popped the cap back on the pen and handed it back. He flashed Evan a big smile; a properly happy smile; Evan had never seen Connor smile like that before. And before he knew it, he was smiling too, happiness spreading across his face. 

"See you around, Ev."

Evan could only smile.

***

That was quite a long chapter but the story's properly started now. As I said at the start I want to make this as realistic as possible so I'm gonna build the relationship up gradually over some time. Let me know if you guys are liking it so far! Thanks for reading as always xxx