If I should fall

twenty three

"I'll walk you home."

Evan blushed. God, he was a mess. After Connor's successful attempt to get Cynthia away, they'd 'watched a movie' together on Connor's computer. Really they just cuddled and kissed each other until they were tangled up in a mess of blankets, sheets and limbs. However it was getting late, and Evan announced that he should probably be getting home.

"Are you sure? I can go by myself," Evan responded shyly. Connor didn't even answer, he just shrugged his jacket on and threaded his fingers through Evan's before leading him out of the door. Evan pretended like it was completely normal for them to be holding hands. Inside he was freaking out a little bit, because I mean he was BEING WALKED HOME BY HIS BOYFRIEND AND THEY WERE HOLDING HANDS.

"Hey, Evan? Thanks for not leaving today. When I slammed the door on you," Connor mumbled. Evan shrugged and smiled up at his boyfriend. 

"I couldn't leave," Evan responded. He tried to think about the best way to explain it, but he found that he had no words. So instead he just squeezed Connor's hand tightly and repeated himself. "I couldn't."

"Can I tell you about the stars?" Connor asked softly. Evan was a little taken aback, as he always was when Connor talked about something important to him, but he nodded.

"Of course."

"Well. Stars, they don't just live for themselves. The courage of stars is infinite. Even after death their light carries on. Look up," he instructed, and Evan did so. "Some of those stars up there might be long dead. But they still shine here for us. A star's life, it's not just a blip on the screen. It actually produces something to show for itself." Connor paused, letting Evan take it in. 

"And did you know, the larger the star is, the shorter it's life? The small ones that no one appreciates and that go unnoticed are actually the strongest. And you know something else, Evan? Guess how many stars there are estimated to be in the universe? 10 billion trillion. There are so many, but we're still able to pick out individual ones. It's just..... it's amazing."

They walked in silence for a little bit, both of them reflecting what Connor had just said. Suddenly, Evan broke the silence.

"You're like a star," he said softly. Connor laughed.

"Me? I wish. But we both know that's never, ever gonna happen. I mean, if I disappeared tomorrow there would be no light in my wake. No one would remember me for more than a week," he said, in a pained voice. It was clear how much it meant to him.

"I would," Evan said in a gentle but determined voice. "Out of all the billion trillion stars in the world I've picked you. I've picked the insignificant one that usually goes unnoticed, but is stronger than all the others. That's my star. You." Again, a silence followed Evan's words. this time, it was Connor who broke it:

"Evan?"

"Yeah?

"I love you."