Drop in the Ocean (Upper East Side Three)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

29 - Best

Warning. Triggering scenes ahead. Read at your own risk.

Nakiusap ako kay Mischa na huwag munang sabihin ang nangyari sa University. I told her that I need time to gather my courage and she respected that.

She was angry at Lolo and wanted to confront him, but I stopped her from doing that. I don't want to danger her, and Lolo might do something with her life if she tries to fight back. Napakiusapan ko siyang ako ang gagawa ng paraan.

Nagdaan ang buwan na patuloy pa rin akong bumibisita kay Reizo. Halos inaraw-araw ko 'yon at lagi siyang pinapadalhan ng mensahe tuwing darating ako.

What happened before new year never came out again. Binaon ko na sa limot at hindi na rin kami nag-usap ni Reizo tungkol sa hindi namin pagkakaintindihan noon.

Mommy always asks about my studies and Mischa always covers me. Tuwing umuuwi at nasa bahay sila Mommy at Daddy ay mahirap itago pero buti na lang at meron si Mischa. Kahit labag sa loob niya ang pagtatago namin at pinipilit akong sabihin na ay talagang nirespeto niya ang hiling ko.

I decided to go back after this academic year. Tatapusin ko muna bago bumalik sa susunod.

Valentine's day came. Reizo will go to Dubai later and I want to celebrate it with him even though it will be short. Naghanda ako sa bahay dahil tinanong ko rin si Ate Ria kanina na wala nang gagawin si Reizo ngayon dahil maghahanda na para sa flight niya mamayang gabi.

Suot ko ang bagong sapatos na bigay ni Reizo noong New Year. Naiwan ko 'to noon sa mansyon nila at binigay niya noong dumalaw ako sa kanya dito.

Nakalimutan kong magpadala ng mensahe at ngayon ko lang naalala. Hinayaan ko na lang dahil nandito na rin naman na ako.

Papasok na ako sa opisina ni Reizo. Hindi na ako nagpaalam kay Ate Ria dahil wala naman ito.

I opened the double doors of his office but stopped when I knew that he was with someone. It was Sebastian.

"I don't want it anymore." Matigas at malalim na sambit ni Reizo.

"You're just fucking hurt, man... and you're acting of it. You're not you."

"No, you're wrong. This is me when I'm... n-not in love with her." He replied. Kahit mahina 'yon ay rinig na rinig ko at parang ang lakas lakas.

The words he uttered made me wish I am deaf. Na sana hindi ko na lang narinig iyon para hindi ako masaktan nang ganito. Na sana hindi nanaman ako makaramdam ng sakit na akala ko wala na.

Is that it? Sa tagal na pinilit kong ipaliwanag ang sarili ko... ganito na lang? Mawawala na lang ang pagmamahal niya para sa akin?

Or did he really love me? Baka masyado lang akong nawili. That I am just blinded by the idea that he's still in love with me.

Pero hindi...

Mahal niya ako. Or should I say, minahal niya ako.

Hindi ko na maalala ang huling beses na sinabi niya ang mga salitang iyan. Maybe it was too long ago. Noong hindi pa ako nagkamali.

And that moment, I knew that I was the reason we would never be together again, and that broke me to the point of no return.

Pero kung ganoon nga, how could he not feel as much pain as I did? Why did I feel so broken and lost in saving this relationship? But when it comes to him, he has undergone the process of falling out of love. Bakit parang ang sakit sa parte ko?

Dahil ba ako ang nagkamali? Dahil ba alam ko na ako naman talaga ang may kasalanan kaya mas doble ang bayad at sakit na kailangan kong gawin at maramdaman?