Lumai's Mind

Chapter 19: A Faulty Plan

After a lot of persuasion and acting, I managed to get some of what's-his-name's weed. Unfortunately, asking was to obvious and subtle hinting didn't work –probably because of my age– but I managed to find some when I went to use his bathroom. So ninja.

Now I was just trying to wrap up my attempts at convincing blardy-blop that I was going to be fine and I didn't live far anyway. He obviously didn't believe me and probably only let me go either because he didn't care about me enough to worry or he just didn't like me.

"And you'll be fine? Definitely?" he asked again. I reckon he was more concerned that I would collapse outside his apartment again rather than my nonexistent wellbeing.

"Absolutely. I'm leaving now." I wasn't staying to hear another single word and thankfully, he realised that. I got out the door semi normal but as soon as he closed it behind me, I slouched against the wall and pushed myself along. Not only was acting exhausting but it required a lot of pretending you could move in ways you shouldn't.

I was now grateful I didn't get up any stairs but dreaded that I would get back there sooner. As I limped and wobbled down the hallway, I couldn't help but find it funny that I would just keep going back to the gates of hell, no matter the pain it caused. Once I passed the corner, I froze. The dream once again flashed through my mind, she was running from this place but I'm going toward it. What did it mean?

That I should be running until I'm free? Death is my only way out? This place will only ever cause me pain? That he will do what he did to her, to me? I couldn't pick it apart and the apprehension that creeps behind me, breathing down my neck, is warning me to run like she did.

I closed my eyes tightly, took a deep breath and continued forward. I had to push through this suffering so his is only worse. Determination couldn't help rid all my instinctual fear though, I still breathed shallower the closer I got and my heart beat increase so much I thought it could be a mouse's. I paused in front of a certain door, 24. Such a small number compared to the amount of hits I've been dealt, even smaller when you count all the cuts, scars and words, even separately.

In a little over a year, this happened. My life went from blissfully ignorant to painfully aware in moments, all because that bastard cheated and lied about where he was. Anger bristled inside me, fuelling my determination enough to twist the door knob.

Click.

The door creaked as it swung open slowly. I reached into my hoodie pocket to check for the drugs, I breathed out shakily in relief when I heard a crinkle and felt the plastic zip lock. Please work.

I crept inside my personal hell and was met with the sound of the TV playing softly. It seemed unsettlingly quiet, deja vu anyone? This time I'm not announcing my arrival but preparing for the attack.

Only a few footsteps at a time, I only have two defenses right now: lies and the special plant in my pocket. Caution and awareness are key to escaping pain and getting closer to my goal.

Physical freedom is better than here but I fear that as soon as I'm safe from the hell spawn, trauma will kick in. As much as I'm scared of what that will bring, that's where healing starts, right? Maybe the trauma won't be so bad if I've already killed them slow and painfully.

"Find anything, Lilly?" His voice asked loudly from the couch, he didn't move his eyes from the screen as he spoke. What was Demon looking for? Me? No... Couldn't be. Probably a dealer or something, maybe a new human trafficking ring so they can get payed to be rid of me. "Lilly?"

I tensed at the edge of irritation in his voice but pushed down my fear, or I tried to. I cleared my throat and gathered all my strength, I had feeling I would need it.