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My Beautiful Soldier

Distance is painful. Distance is deadly.

Distance has brought me a medley of feelings towards you and they're all different forms of sadness.

This bed feels colder without you by my side.

And the colder I feel, the more I want to apologize to you.

I was supposed to write you earlier but work got the best of me.

And now I'm 3 weeks late revealing what you shouldn't see:
The worst of me.

The piece of me that is stronger than a gun.

But remember? The best people in life are the broken ones.

I'm not the best I can be. I know that.

But whatever's left of me, whatever I have, whatever you need,
Baby, please
Take it all... I'm here for you.

So how's life on the battlefield?

I've read stories of how this man learned how to deal with being away from home for so long.

But I know you well enough to know that you're strong.

You can make it. It's only a few more weeks.

Then we can be together and go back to being geeks and playing games on the xbox.

I just want to be together again.

I've been crossing off the days and I've gone through too many pens.

I've used too much ink on my calendar for this distance to be real.

I've used to much ink on this piece of paper to express how I feel about you.

Every poem ends with an apology.

Every paper gets crumpled up and wiped away from the history of my mind.

But the thoughts keep finding their way back.

They crawl through my spine.

They paralyze me.

Motionless is the only way I keep my sanity.

I lie motionless thinking of your lips.

Thinking of my hands on your hips.

When our lips press together

When we dance in rainy weather

When we don't care what others think

When I never blink around you.

I don't want to miss you.

I only want to kiss you, hold you against my chest, lay on yours too, fall asleep and wake up to a new adventure with you...

If only I could sleep.

But maybe I'm not out of my mind.

Maybe I had it right the first time.

Maybe you were supposed to see this side of me.

Maybe I DO owe you an apology.

So I apologize for responding to your letter so late.

I apologize for never taking you out on a romantic date.

I apologize for breaking down every single night.

You're on the other side of the world.

And I apologize because when people read this, they'll assume you're a girl... like they always do.

Because every love song and poem ever written just has to be about a man and woman.

How long do we have to stay hidden?

I love you so much, but this society's judgement is a near-death experience and I will NOT die for us.

You see, when we first met, the simple thought of you made my heart stop.

I was crazy for you and the sight of you made my jaw drop.

But I'm not like that anymore... only because you are now mine.

I can't risk my heart stopping.

I need to be here for the rest of your life.

My Beautiful Soldier, I can't wait for you to come home.