Views

Through Another's Eyes

Elementary school was all a blur. It was all about getting first in soccer and kickball, that's all, except at the end of fall when we had to sing those christmas carols.

Middle school was awkward and shy and that's where the guys started to treat women like dimes, learn what it means to blow lines, and act like they can define the world.

High school is where everybody thought they knew what an adult was like "Yeah man, I'm at least buzzed every night. Yeah cuz, I know the real world. Yeah bro, I felt up that girl. Yeah homie, I made that girl twerk on me. Yeah dude, I know how a bong works."
...pathetic.

And college is where you pay to be stressed out on every level possible... I'm not even sure if I'm still in school.

I must be in school because I'm still getting put down, thrown around, drowned by insults.

Yeah I can swim, but I'm 10 miles below the surface.

These cold hearted assholes can't accept me for me.

I thought this was the "land of the free" not the "land of be like me"

Don't push me because if I'm on the floor, then I'm closer to your feet.

I'll make sure you won't walk anymore.

And it'll start with an ice cold knife through your heart just so once you start departing, I'll know you're truly cold-hearted.

After you die, you say your goal is to go to heaven instead of hell.

But baby, we all start off in hell.

Born and raised on the devil's grounds.

Now what makes you think you're gonna turn around and see God holding your back? That's just me.

Literally, because I took out your spine when I entered with the knife.

Your goal should be to make it out of here as fast as you can before you become a demon, a machine, a slave to the industry.

No? That's just me? Is it because I'm gay?

I mean, that's why you put me down.

But if gay sex isn't right sex, then I wanna be having left sex, so fuck you, your religion, stop teachin', these children, to believe in, the same things as you.

You live in hell and so do I, but I am your savior.

I'm here to take you out of hell.

The day you found out I was gay, you prayed for a savior so I fucking gave you one.

You need to open your mind, but it's alright because I'll do it for you.

Cut it open like a broken wrist, take out half and replace it with a scientist's.

And only hope that you will see that being gay isn't easy when you're always hearing "You don't please me."

So since they took shots at me, I fired some at them.

Guns like Wiz Khalifa... blazin'.

I shot the bullies, shot the teachers, shot the deans, shot the sheriff and the deputy... Shot some strangers, and a puppy, and I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

I never did.

I just wanted to fit in, but god damnit, I couldn't think straight. Was it because I'm gay?

I hurt them, I killed them, the blood bath was gruesome and now it's burned into my mind, burned into my eyes.

Burning 'til I die, wait no that's a lie cause I'll be burning when I'm dead next to the devil and his men and I'll still remember when I'm dead that I took the heads of innocent students trying to make it through college, but it ended so fast.

What if this was their last year? Blood, sweat, money, and tears thrown into the school for at least four fucking years, but it ended because of the four fucking beers that I drank before I came over here.

It ended because I couldn't face my fears, I couldn't close my ears, I couldn't hold in the tears.

And now I'm here:
Hiding from the cops, waiting for them to drop in to this apartment, so my neighbors can hear the popping, and I can finally get what I deserve.

I should do their job for them, put this fucking gun to my skull, slit my fucking throat with a dull knife, breathe in this tobacco til I'm full, grab my heart with my bare hands and pull it out, so I can hear the beating mixed with the knocking on the door, the cops are here.
They're here.

And I'm holding the gun to my skull but I can't pull the trigger because I can't fucking hold it straight.

I can't see straight,
think straight,
breathe straight,
act straight,
feel straight.

Is it because I'm fucking gay?