𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐃𝐎𝐌 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 | MJJ

KC 17 | 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐈 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍

NOLANA S.
AUG 31, 2015

Nolana hadn't ever truly experienced a sleepless night; not until she birthed her daughter, and sleep became nonexistent. Sleep was something that she had to get while she had the chance, but it didn't seem to come to her as the stress somehow always managed to overshadow her bodies desire to get some shut eye.

It was the middle of the night, and she was experiencing the sleep struggle firsthand. Nolana had been depressed since having Beauty and was trying her absolute best to be a good mother to the baby she agreed to have after some long few months of her now ex-boyfriend's begging. The last thing she feels like, however, is a good mother. Not even close.

Michael was knocked out next to her, and he was probably just as burnt out as Nolana because Beauty kept them up all night, every night. They were both going through virtually the same thing, yet Nolana wasn't able to figure herself out. She'd been so detached from everything and everyone, including the person who she would spend the rest of their lives taking care of.

Nolana felt completely out of place and terrible part of her wished she would've never agreed to this. All she wanted to do was make Michael happy, seeing that it was genuinely something he wanted. More than anything too. He'd kept his promise about not continuing the drug abuse and Nolana saw how difficult that was on his body, but he'd done it. Even while she refused to forget about the abortion.

For a while she sat up, staring at Michael as he slept. He was in a deep sleep, the reason being that Beauty was always awake and seemed to hate the idea of sleeping herself. Nolana knew that he wouldn't wake up and stood from the bed, not minding the squeaks that the old mattress let out. As she went into her drawers, she thought to herself about how motherhood was supposed to come naturally to her.

Most women got the hang of it immediately and they loved their babies. They were amazing mothers from the get-go, why wasn't that the case for her? Why was she having some a hard time creating some kind of connection to her daughter?

Michal made it seem so easy; he was always the first to be up when Beauty cried, he calmed her down way quicker than Nolana did, and he didn't complain. He never complained about having not showered in the past week or having not slept in nearly twenty-four hours.

Nolana moved quietly, but with purpose, removing her clothes from drawers and maneuvering them off of the hangers. She had to hurry before Beauty cried because, if she did, Michael would immediately be up. He couldn't see what she was doing. She felt so bad and even more guilty about what she knew was going to happen, but Nolana was helpless and needed nothing but time. Time would mend her emotional scars.

She retrieved a large trash bag from the kitchen, under the sink, and threw all of her clothes inside before leaving the bedroom. She turned her cellphone off completely so that he couldn't track or contact her while she was away. Just as she opened the front door to make her get away, there was a cry from the baby's bedroom.

Nolana hurried out of the house, threw her things into the backseat, and zoomed down the road. Once she reached the main roads, far away from the house, she slowed down to be going the speed indicated by the signs on sides of the road.

At first, she just drove around. She didn't know where to go until she remembered her best friend was home from a trip with her family. Nolana drove there and knocked on the door, hoping that Leilani would be awake to answer. Before the knocking, Lei wasn't up, but she did hear it.

She opened the door, squinting her eyes at the porch light that had come on when Nolana approached the house. She rubbed her eyes, watching her friend in confusion. "Hey, Nolana. What you doin' here? It's three in the morning."