Killing Loneliness (A Ville Valo Fanfiction)

Chapter 17: "L'enfer"

Nastya decided to isolate herself for quite a long time. I wasn't sure it was the best idea, neither was Jonne or even Eicca. The last one didn't know much about the whole situation. Actually, we all didn't know much about what was going on. Not even Jonne, the closest person to her.

But the truth was that before the episode I had with Kimi, in those twenty minutes, he... He sexually abused Nastya. He raped her, and never told anyone about it. Months later, while I was away, she got to know she was pregnant. She decided to get rid of it, because she couldn't let herself be connected to him and it would be a nightmare. It already was. She almost passed away because of an infection while surgery. That caused her the most and imaginable pain that a woman can feel. The shame of what happened and not being enough with that, the guilt of what she had to do because of the pressure of society.

Everything was violent. There was a lot of violence, and everything seemed like a real chaos. It was one of the most challenging times I've probably lived ever in my entire life.

She tried to unalive herself no longer after that day Jonne came to see her. I knew later when Linde talked to me about this, but I was too drunk and high I wasn't even conscious enough to believe what happened.

That's when everything started to go downhill. Even more.

I also tried to help in any possible way, but I had my career and the band. We needed to keep on going, but my state wasn't the best. I started drinking again. It all began when we reached the U.S. tour one more time, and when I came back after more than six months, I couldn't be myself without drinking. I had a huge problem. Again.

Also, I just didn't know how to fix everything, but since I didn't stop talking with Jonne, he was always updating me about her.

It took me months to recover myself after what I saw. I used to drink until I passed out when we finished on set. I even sometimes showed up drunk, not even knowing what I was doing. One day I just woke up with five stitches on my eyebrow because they told me when I blacked out from alcohol and other substances, I hit my browbone with a crystal table.

I was truly a mess, a ship to wreck. I couldn't stand what I lived years ago and knowing what happened to Nastya. I couldn't live with that, so my copying mechanism was the abuse of substances. There were sometimes I just left stage because I was too high, I didn't know what I was doing, but people thought it was part of the performance until someone decided to tell the truth and there were tabloids everywhere.

I decided to go to therapy. I had so much on my shoulders that I knew it would end up really bad for me if I kept living like that.

She didn't reply to my phone calls. It had been a difficult year, a loveless one also. So, six months later after what happened and letting Jonne know when I'd arrive, I showed up at her door. He told me he hadn't seen her for a couple of months maybe, so he didn't really know in which state she was.

I knocked twice, trying to look the best I could even though I was doing so much better. When I was about to leave, since no one was there, someone opened the door. That's when my heart raced so fast, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

"Ville?" Nastya said surprised and I turned back to face her. God, she looked beautiful and recovered. I'd never seen her before that good. "You were leaving, weren't you?"

"I... I thought no one was home, so I thought I would come back tomorrow." I chuckled lightly rubbing my neck, standing in front of her.

"I was just doing my meditation time; sorry I didn't open the door earlier." She blushed and we both laughed. Then, our eyes connected like never before. There was a comfortable silence between the both of us. She put both of her hands over my cheekbones and smiled while tears of joy raced down her face. "You look... Amazing, Ville. I missed you so much. I'm sorry I didn't reply to your calls, but I needed time on my own."