Killing Loneliness (A Ville Valo Fanfiction)

Chapter 13: "Solitary Man".

Almost a couple months without Ville. The first weeks we were always talking to each other. I called him, he called me back... We tried everything to keep in contact, but it wasn't enough. I moved to Jonne's the following month Ville left. I couldn't stand alone at his apartment, I didn't want to be the entire day crying although I did, but it wasn't the same if I moved to Jonne's. He liked the idea of being for a few months living with him because he had a project for me and I really did like it.

Tattoo shop was the project he had for me. I had enough money and he wanted to help me. It was nice... But I didn't tell Ville. We talked less everyday until we talked no more.

I travelled to visit Eicca and Alexandra twice and they met Jonne the first time. I gave them everything I bought for the baby and also a lot of things I could do with him.

But Ville, he was always in my mind. I broke the promise I did to him. Sometimes I used to meet Kimi and no one knew about it. He seemed to have changed, or at least that's what I thought.

''So, what are you going to do today?'' Jonne asked me as I finished to draw some tattoo designs.

''I guess I'm going out.'' I replied quickly. ''You?'' I asked him before he could ask more.

''Nothing, just chill. It's Wednesday.'' He said. ''Nastya?''

''Yeah?'' I looked at him.

''Do you know anything about Ville?'' He asked.

''No.'' I mumbled and kept drawing.

''It's been two months since...'' Jonne sighed.

''I do know, Jonne.'' I replied back.

''Have you thought about telling him?'' He said.

''About what?'' I chuckled.

''About your feelings.'' I sighed as he said it.

''I've got someone more interesting.'' I said without taking care of my words.

''Who?''

''Forger about it, Jonne.'' I whispered.

''Nastya, don't tell me that 'someone' is Kimi because...''

''He has changed.'' I shrugged. ''I'm okay with that.''

''My fucking God, not again.'' He got up angrily.

''Jonne, it's my fucking life.'' I said.

''I know it's your life and you're old enough to know what you're doing, but don't you remember what happened the last time?'' He said.

''Again, he has changed.'' I sighed.

''Why do you do this? Because you do miss Ville?''

''No.'' I mumbled ashamed.

''Liar.'' He growled. ''Ville's coming back home soon and what are you going to do? Ignore him?''

''I'm not going to ignore him because we don't fucking talk.'' I shouted. ''I don't miss... Him.''

''Look into my eyes and tell me ''I do not miss Ville Valo'', please.'' He said.

''This is stupid.'' I replied.

''Okay Nastya, but when you're at the damn hospital, you'll be sorry.'' He said and left. I rubbed my forehead with the tips of my fingers. No one could understand I needed to feel... Loved.

Ville's P.O.V.

I hated touring, but that's what I had to do if I wanted my band to be famous and I wanted to become a musician. I did miss Nastya a lot, but... We lost contact. Her voice sounded strange when we talked the last time and I asked her what was going on, but she just replied and cut the phone call. That's when I decided to not bother her anymore.

Lots of girls, amounts of alcohol and another substances, that's all I can say after the couple months I spent away from Helsinki.

I met a lot of girls, I did, but they couldn't compare to her because she was the one. Or at least I thought we lost contact until my phone ringed. It was Jonne.

''Hey man, how long!'' I tried to sound... Happy.

''A lot, to be honest.'' He chuckled. ''How's everything there?''

''It's nice, thanks.'' I said. ''We're at the airport now, I'm coming back home, so I guess I'll be there tomorrow morning.'' I replied confused. ''What about you?''

''I'm... Fine.'' He didn't sound pretty sure about it. I raised my eyebrows lightly.

''And... Nasyta?'' I asked shyly.

''Ville, there's something you should know about her.'' He sighed. ''I'd like to meet you tomorrow afternoon, as soon as possible.''

''Jonne, what's wrong.'' I sighed. ''I've got to catch my flight right now, I'll drive to your apartment tomorrow afternoon.''

''Thanks, I'll see you there.'' He sighed and I cut the phone call.

''Valo, time to catch the flight.'' Linde said and I nodded my head. ''You okay?'' He asked a few minutes after as we walked inside the plane.

''Yeah...'' I sighed. ''Just Jonne, he called me.''

''Then, what's the matter?'' He asked again.

''I guess it's about Nastya.'' I replied and sat down. ''I'm not sure everything's okay there.''

''Well, tomorrow morning we'll be home.'' He shrugged. ''Man, it's too late, sleep for awhile and chill.''

''I guess so.'' I sighed and closed my eyes.

-

I drove to my apartment as I arrived in Helsinki. I did hope to find Nastya there, I told her to stay so she wouldn't have to move to another place. But the surprise was when I did open the door and I saw a note on the kitchen table. Nastya wrote down there she had moved to Jonne's because we didn't talk anymore and she didn't want to bother me with her living with me. I sighed and took the note with me. The apartment was pretty empty without her around. I didn't realise how much I needed her to live with me, I didn't want to be alone after all.

I unpacked my suitcases and tried to make myself feel like home at once after two months out, but it was mostly impossible. I ordered food and then, after a nap, I had a shower and drove to Jonne's as we said the day before. Something was wrong, I didn't have any doubt about it.

''How long, Ville.'' Jonne said as he opened the door after I knocked twice. I smiled lightly and highed five with him. ''Come on in, please.''

''How are you?'' I asked. I took off my coat.

''I'm fine... No, I'm worried, I'm not going to lie.'' He sighed and we sat down the couch of his lounge, like we did two months ago.

''What's the matter.'' I asked sighing.

''Nastya...'' He whispered and run his hands through his hair. ''He's back with Kimi.''

''What the hell.'' I mumbled. He nodded his head. ''How?''

''I knew yesterday, Ville.'' He said. ''She has lost control.''

''Where's she?'' I asked.

''I guess she's at the tattoo shop.'' Jonne shrugged. ''She's like the first time you two separated, like she had lost everything and... I know she feels alone, she misses you.''

''I won't forgive myself if...'' I whispered.

''I know, that's why I called you yesterday.'' He replied. ''Ville, maybe you have another girl out there, but just talk to her as a friend, or whatever, but just do it, I know what she feels about you.''

''Can you go with me?'' I asked after a few minutes thinking.

''Sure, I'll drive you there.'' He sighed and we both got up towards the street.