Our World

Chapter 25

Perrie's POV:

The day after that, it becomes harder. I didn't realize how much I depended on the drugs until now. Right now, the only thing I can think about is how more real everything feels. Every single memory.

I don't think I like it.

"Are you having a hard time?" Jade's soft voice shakes me out of my thoughts. She is just walking into the living room and sits next to me on the couch.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"You are shaking your leg and tapping your fingers on the table. Also, you never sit this straight."

I look at myself and only then realize I'm doing everything Jade just said. The brunette softly places her hand on my cheek and turns my face to her. Her big brown eyes look so gentle it makes my heart melt a little.

"It's normal that you're having a rough time. All you have to do is stay strong and talk to me when you feel like you can't be strong anymore. Okay?"

I nod my head softly and feel myself leaning forward. Our lips meet in the middle for a soft kiss.

After a few seconds, I pull away but keep our foreheads together. "Thank you," I whisper with my eyes still closed.

"Being here for you is the least I can do after not noticing." Jade's voice is filled with so much guilt it shocks me. Because of this, I pull away further and look into her eyes.

"I know that I told you I wanted you to notice, but that doesn't mean you have to make it up to me. It happened and there is nothing we can do about it. We just need to look forward."

"That's what I'm doing. I'm looking forward. And in the future, I'm going to be there for you, always. So something like this never happens again."

It dawns on me that Jade isn't going to stop blaming a part of this on herself, so I just nod my head and lay my head on her lap. Her fingers start combing through my hair and soon, I feel myself relaxing under her touch.

We both focus our attention on the television that is now showing some random reality show, which is oddly entertaining.

I try to keep my focus on the show, but my mind wanders anyway. This show would be so much more fun after a line of cocaine.

It's not that I want to think like this, but I just can't help it. The more I try to block those thoughts, the harder they come back.

I need a fix.

No, I don't. I just need to be strong. For Jade.

I can't.

The worst part about my inner fight is that it isn't like there's another voice in my head. It's all just me.

I just want to shut myself up, but I'm not sure which way is the best. Will this even stop if I stay sober? What if I have this inner battle for the rest of my life? I can't do that.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I mumble before standing up and walking to my room.

Jade and I cleaned the whole room yesterday and threw away all the empty bottles and cocaine that was still left. She doesn't know I still have some hidden in my drawer. I don't even know why I didn't throw it out yesterday. Maybe because I knew I wouldn't be strong enough.

At this moment, there is no doubt left in my body. I need this.

I place some coke on my hand mirror and line it up with my credit card. My finger covers one of my nostrils as I lean forward.

"Don't." My body shoots up at the unexpected sound and I turn to see Jade standing in the doorway. She's fuming.

"Don't you even dare, Perrie." She says while walking over to me. "You almost fucking died two days ago and you're going back to this again?" Her tiny hands push me, making me stumble backwards a little.