Chasing Ghosts | Natasha Romanoff

Chapter 44: It's Not Better By Morning

It was 5 AM when Katya could no longer fall asleep, when the anxiety won from the exhaustion. She had expected to burst into tears again, but it seemed that all of them got cried out yesterday. 

Today, she felt drained, numb almost. It was too much, all of it. As if her brain short-circuited and all those emotions together was too overwhelming. Like when the fuses blow if the circuit overloads, and suddenly there's nothing anymore.

She had no energy to do anything. To even turn around in her bed, or say something to Natasha, who had done nothing but whisper sweet words in her ear the entire night and continued to do so in the morning. 

Katya did manage to feel slightly guilty for letting her wife's warm body go as soon as she had found out how her arms and legs moved again. It felt wrong to cuddle up to her like nothing was wrong. She felt undeserving.

Natasha tried to get her to shower, but Katya wouldn't move at all, clenching the covers with her shaky hands. It was the same situation as yesterday morning, but the other side of the emotional spectrum.

In the end, she got her so far as to quickly brush her teeth, throw some water in her face, and untangle her hair before Katya curled up in bed again, in a fresh change of clothes. She clung onto Natasha's hoodie she wore, and pulled her pillow into her body, feeling too nauseous to eat and too awake to sleep.

Natasha did her best to force her worried frown off her face when she crouched next to the bed, right in front of Katya's face. The brunette didn't meet her eyes. ''Baby, we need to figure out what we're going to do with the two other people in this house.'' Her voice was barely above a whisper, but at 5:30 in the morning, it felt awfully loud. ''Now, Clint called last night, and he said he was happy to take Maya in for a week. She can stay there while we got you figured out. How does that sound?''

''Good,'' Katya muttered immediately. Natasha didn't know what she expected, maybe no answer at all, just silence, so this brought her some hope.

''Good?'' She managed a careful smile when Katya nodded. ''Okay. I'll talk to Maya and make it happen.'' Luckily, Maya had been begging to go to Clint's house for months, so she would love it, even if the reason sucked.

She placed a kiss on Katya's forehead and went to stand up, but a fragile voice stopped her. 

''Natalia?''

Settling down again, she was surprised to find blue eyes searching for hers, even if the look in them was a stab in her chest. ''Yes, honey?''

''I'm sorry for everything.'' It needed no further explanation. There were a thousand things Katya felt sorry for. 

''You don't have to say sorry. Don't worry about anything, okay? Don't worry about me. Think of yourself.'' She smiled through her broken heart, and brushed her brown hair out of her face. ''Try to sleep some more.'' She pushed Katya's phone closer to her, on the very edge of the nightstand. ''Here's your phone. I'm going downstairs for a bit to arrange some things. Call me if you need me.''

Silently, she trailed out and shut the bedroom door, letting a deep breath escape her. It wasn't smart to leave Katya in there by herself, but she had stuff to take care of, people to call. Time to push her own pain aside and put Katya first. Time to fulfill the jobs that came with being a wife. It wasn't all butterflies and love and kisses.

Her friends would not be happy if she called this early. So, she dragged the time out while making breakfast, making more noise on purpose in the hopes of waking the others. After all, the appointment at Eliza's was at four, and this house had to only contain two people instead of four by then. So much to organize.