I am just a simple woman, who has a dream of having a perfect relationship with a man who's in relationship. Sa edad ko na ito ay mahirap makahanap ng lalaki na may paninindigan.
The boys at my age want to collect a bunch of beautiful girl that the called their ex, mga babae na napaikot sa kamay nila, at kapag tapos na at nag-sawa na. Iiwanan sa ere, and I want to avoid that.
That is why I am envy at those woman who has a mature man, they can lean on them at matatawag na knight and shining armor.
"Wow, another flowers from a secret admirer!" I looked at the flowers at my desk, nag-uumpisa silang asarin ako at kantyawan. I don't like flowers, ayoko ng ganito, they find it weird since naiwas ako sa mga manliligaw ko. Even my own parents want me to enjoy my teenage life, I can enjoy that on my own way, hindi sa paraan na sinasabi nila.
"It's too early for some kind of this stuff," saad ko bago inagat ang bulaklak, tinapon sa basurahan at nagbulungan sila.
I heard that they think I am a lesbian, dahil never ako nag-entertain ng manliligaw, but the real thing is, I want a secret relationship. I love the feeling of hiding, may thrill at higit sa lahat ay mas matanda sa akin.
If they want to date me, huwag nila gamitin ang pera na bigay ng magulang nila. But most of them, niyayabang ang mayroon sila na bigay ng magulang nila sa kanila. Anong nakaka proud sa bagay na hindi naman galing sa sariling pawis.
Bumalik ako sa upuan ko at padabog na umupo, inalis ang mga petals at may naiwan na letter doon, I opened it and read each words.
You are such a blessing in this world.
God is really good at creating beautiful creatures.
You are the perfect one.
I'm so obsessed with you.
-your admirer
Nilukot ko ang sulat at tinapon sa basurahan, muling bumalik sa upuan ko at inilabas ang mga text books at assignments na ipapasa mamaya. I wear my eye glasses and start checking each of them.
"You look gorgeous, and it complete my day." May bulaklak na naman na nasa harapan ko, at nakatayo ng maayos ang lalaking hindi ako pamilyar kung sino at saang lugar s'ya nag-mula.
"Stop wasting the money that your parents gave to you, this flowers is bullshit. I won't accept anything that you are giving if that is not from your own pocket." Hinampas ko ang bulaklak at nag-walk out.
I just want to study and have a normal life, I keep avoiding some guys who's trying to enter my life, not because I am a man hater. But I am actually saving myself to a man that I can't have.
Umakyat ako sa roof top, walang tao at nag bell na, means the first subject is going to start.
Naupo ako sa bench at nilabas ang lighter at sigarilyo ko, I start smoking and look at the sky.
Nakakapagod na rin, hindi matatapos ang araw ko ng hindi nakikipag bangayan sa manliligaw at mga babaeng naiingit sa akin.
They thought that I am doing that because I wanna be famous, hindi naman masama na maging normal na estudyante, school meant for studying, hindi para lumandi.
"Fuckers," saad ko bago binuga ang usok, naitapon ko ang sigarilyo ng bumukas ang pinto, niluwa non ang lalaking nakasalamin at gulo ang uniform.
Pawisan ito at mukang bago sa school, he is not familiar with me and I know most of the faces of my school mates.
"Hey, are you alright?" I asked and he looked terrified. May sumisigaw at pakyat sa hagdan.
Mabilis syang nagtago at naiwan ako sa harapan ng rooftop. Bumungad ang muka ng bully sa school at nilibot ang paningin sa taas. "Have you seen a weird guy who's wearing a cheap eye glasses and that new kid owe a in-"
