I thought he is different from his brother, but Rafriel disappoints me big time. My hands are shaking at naibagsak ko ang phone ni Rafriel. I thought it's mine nang magising ako because it's vibrating, but when I answered the call, it's a woman's voice.
"Rafriel, I am looking forward for our third date, are you awake?"
Fuck them.
She said that she missed Rafriel, and looking forward for their third date? He will have a date tapos nýa ako makuha kagabi?
I thought he is fucking devoted to me, Rafriel kisses my foot, sinasamba n'ya ang nilalakaran ko and he acts like he is fucking obsessed with me, tapos ganito lang?
Oo nga pala, kapatid n'ya si Rafaello, ano nga ba pinagkaiba n'ya sa Kuya n'ya na walanghiya. It runs in their fucking blood!
Kumukulo dugo ko, pero pinipilit ko kumalma. I thought giving myself to this man will make me feel happier kahit na paalis ako, pero ang pabaon ni Rafriel sa akin ay galit at hinanakit.
Ang kapal ng mukha n'ya para ganito ang gawin sa akin.
I left Rafriel's place without a trace, and he I know he won't notice that I am gone, because of my habit of ghosting people when I don't feel myself.
But this time, I will be gone, for good. All of my memories with Rafriel is now all black and white.
Hindi ako makapaniwala na ganon lang siguro talaga ako kabilis paikutin, and ang galing at nauto na ako, naniwala pa ako sa pinagsasabi ni Rafriel.
I don't need to confront him, for what? To stab myself from his words? No, I am not that stupid.
I know that I am a confrontational type of person, but not this way, I also had my own weakness, and this is what I am afraid for.
Ang malaman ko na hindi lang pala ako, na all I along, I thought it's just me and the man who is pursuing me, no matter what is actually doing a side quest behind my back.
Or maybe, I thought I am the main quest, but the real deal is I am just the side piece.
Ako kasi ang kilala ng pamilya, ako kasi yung pinaka malapit, at maybe I am the safest person to become a victim.
I thought I am strong, I thought no one can fool me, I think highly of myself, but in the end, pinaikot ako. Who said that a men can't act?
Men is the greatest pretender, lahat sila.
"Magpapakamatay ka ba!" gulat at umatras ako kaagad, matapos akong mahulasan sa malakas na busina ng sasakyan.
I didn't notice that my tears started to fall rapidly, at habol ang hininga ko habang hindi ko maintindihan ang sigaw ng driver ng sasakyan, dahil bumaba ito sa kotse n'ya.
"I am sorry," that is the only word that came out into my mouth, before I run, while covering my mouth.
All of my anger, all of the pain is now colliding. Storming inside my mind, dinig ko ang tibok ng puso ko habang nananakbo ako.
The worst time of my life is my own downfall, and this is it.
From the moment that I let my impulsivity manage my whole life, that is the day that my downfall started.
"Ang tanga mo, Jeana." I hissed and still running. Hindi ko alam saan ako dadalhin ng paa ko, basta gusto ko na lang lumayo, at iwanan na ang lahat.
I want to vanish right now, and run away from this place, at ayoko na may makakakilala sa akin.
"Jeana!" Tumama ang mukha ko sa white shirt, I bite my lips when my Kuya Philip is right in front of me, katabi ang asawa n'ya. Mukhang hinahanap nila ako, but when they saw my face, covered with tears, mahigpit akong niyakap ng Kuya ko, hiding my face to his white shirt.
"Philip, ipasok mo na si Jeana sa kotse, nasa likod lang si Manong." She said, with sweet voice, at kita ko ang baby bump, habol ko pa rin ang hininga ko ngayon.
Sinakay ako ni Kuya sa backseat, but still, not breaking the hug.
I feel safe here, nanlalambot ako, hindi ko masisi ang sarili ko dahil sa kagustuhan ko na mag-explore, ito napala ko.
But as what my mother said, some reason I deserve this, kasi matanda na ako, alam ko na ang tama at mali, I can't blame other people for my wrong choices.
I allow this, so I must deal with this.
"Jeana, huwag ka na tumakas sa susunod, nag-aalala kami sa safety mo, we don't know what Lianne can do right now, after what she done last night."Bumangon ako, at marahang lumayo kay Kuya, at inabot kay Kuya ang phone.
"Ano 'to?" I asked after tanggapin ang phone, but when I looked at the screen, nanlamig ang buong katawan ko, habang binabasa ang caption.
"She posted that last night, and we thought kaya ka tumakas kasi nakita mo ito kagabi." Nabitawan ko ang phone.
The result of every choices that I choose.
Ito na iyon, this is just the result of my wrong doing, and for playing with fire. But isn't this too much after ako saktan?
"Mama and Papa din't do anything, because they want to know what you want first." Kuya explained, at lumingon ako sa bintana.
But my eyes landed at my hands, unconsciously ay hawak ko ang sarili ko na kamay, massaging it, trying myself to calm down, kasi kabado ako, hirap pa rin huminga at naninikip ang dibdib. But I had no choice but to calm down myself, and clear my mind.
Bumalik ako sa phone, after kuhain ni Kuya ang phone, binasa ko ang comment section.
Hindi na ako nasasaktan sa sinasabi nila sa akin, pero yung dinamay ang parents ko, kapatid ko at si Kuya at buntis n'ya na asawa, I lost my control.
"Can't Rafaello control his girl, does he know na madadamay kayo, and how dare them na idamay kayo?" Humigpit ang hawak ko sa phone at ngumiti lang si Ate, and my brother just patted my head.
"We don't care what other people says about us," Kuya said, at tumigil ang kotse sa unfamiliar na bahay, mukhang bahay ata ni Kuya.
"Thankfully I saw Jeana around the street." Kuya said, at sinalubong ako ni Papa, mabilis akong niyakap.
Papa is crying now, and he looks worried.
"Anak, please don't run away again." Papa said, nangangatog ang kamay at si Mama ay pumasok sa loob ng bahay.
"Akala namin hindi ka na babalik."
"Hindi naman ako aalis, pero ngayon na ganito nang-yare. I just sinusuka na ako ng pinas."
"The daughter of most religious and respected well known business tycoon, at a young age, involved at third party issue." I laughed in disappointment.
"Ayoko na rito, gusto ko na umalis ngayon, please." I plead, and Mama is looking at me, nasa pinto pala s'ya at inaantay na makapasok kami.
Lalagpasan ko si Mama, but she hugged me tight, and kissed my head.
"We didn't judge you, we never think of that way, Jeana. What other people says about you is not important, but you really need to migrate, Philippines is no longer your home, but your enemy." I broke my tears, and cry at my mother's arm now.
At the end, my family always understand me, and make sure that they will comfort me mula sa tight situation to major downfall of my life.
"I promise, I will be better this time." I said and bite my lips, to minimize my sobs.
It's time to be better.
