This Love ✔️

This Acknowlegment

Just a few hours ago Bash was telling me that to cry is okay because it means that whatever I'm crying about matters, and it's important that I remind myself that. But I call bullshit, just like everything else Bash has said to me.

Yes, it hurts because it matters, which makes it hurt even more. I don't want to acknowledge that, I want to forget about it. I don't want to be crying or hurting, it sucks.

It's funny, Bash told me that and now I'm crying because of him. Because he matters to me, that's why. I wonder if he knew that or just used that to play his little game with me.

"Sadie," my Mom calls softly on the other side of my bedroom door. "Is everything okay?"

"Go away," I scream, and throw the pillow from under my head at the door.

I grab another and sink my head into it, hoping it will drain out my sobs better than the other one.

"Come down stairs when you're ready," she says worriedly and leaves me to myself.

I don't come down stairs, not until the next day, late morning when my stomach is yelling at me to eat something. And even then I can only drag my lousy feet enough time to grab a banana and a protein bar than I make my way back upstairs to my hideout.

The tears only stopped last night when I fell asleep and I have yet to break down today but the ache in my body is a huge reminder of the heart ache from the day before.

Around eight last night, after hearing my phone ring constantly for an hour, I picked it up from the ground where I threw it and finally shut it off, not before seeing the fifty missed calls from Lucas though.

I'm afraid of what will happen when I speak to him. Will he explain the kiss or have any excuses for his brother? Or will he just slut shame me for falling into Bash's bed, exactly like how he planned it. There are too many possibilities and I would rather run away to Europe then face them.

"Sadie." My Mom knocks on my door, later in the afternoon.

"Yeah," I ask grumpily.

"Someone's here to see you," she says with a tinge of happiness in her voice.

My body stills, my heart starts beating erratically. "Who is it?" I ask nervously. It could only be a handful of people and the majority of people that it could be seem to be both asshole liars.

"Lucas."

"Don't let him in Mom," I call back, jumping up from my bed. "I don't want to see..." My voice trails off as I swing open the door and Lucas is standing right in front of me.

"Too late," she chuckles then disappears down the stairs.

"You're Mom's nice," Lucas says nervously.

Yeah, she takes great joy in making my daughter pissed off.

"Get out of my house," I sneer.

He looks taken back by my rudeness. "I'm not going to do that Sadie."

"It wasn't a request," I shoot back.

Before I know what's happening, Lucas slides past me and into my room.

"What the hell?" I yell, "Did you not hear what I just said?"

He sits comfortably on the edge of my bed. "I did," he nods his head, "But I need to speak to you whether you like it or not."

I roll my eyes and reluctantly close my bedroom door. "You have five minutes to come up with whatever excuses you have."

"I didn't kiss her," he admits.

"Excuse me?"

"I didn't kiss Lucy, she kissed me! She planned the whole thing with Jake and his girlfriend! Jake convinced me to talk to Lucy behind the shed when gym started because she was really upset about seeing you and me together all the time. He told me that I needed to man up and tell Lucy everything so I could get her blessing to ask you out which I was going to do yesterday after practice. And after I was done telling her everything she told me she understood but she didn't say it was fair that I kissed you while I was dating her. So to make fair in her head, she kissed me. She grabbed me by face and pulled us so we were up against the shed. It took me by surprise and I tried pulling away but she wouldn't let go," he says softly with a guilty face, "then I just gave up. She was the one moving her lips and I wasn't kissing her back but I thought that if it would make her feel better than so be it, because I didn't want her to ruin our relationship when it would start." He sighs and buries his face in his hands. "But it was all planned and I fell for the whole damn thing. Jake and his girl wanted you to see me and get the wrong idea, which you did."

"She still kissed you and you let her," I argue.

He looks up from his hands, his eyes zeroing in on me and it's hard to keep standing when he looks at me that way. "I know and I am so sorry Sadie. I will do anything to make it up to you, I promise. I'll never speak to Lucy again and I won't ever look at another girl again, just anything to make you trust me again," he begs.

"It's hard to open up to someone again when later they were the one to completely betray you," I tell him sadly.

There is still a few feet between us, my standing by my door with my arms crossed, trying to protect myself from anything else he says, and him, sitting on the edge of my bed with a helpless expression.

"I won't betray you again," he says quickly, jumping up from the bed. "I swear on my life that I won't hurt you again." He stands in front of me, his hands grasp mine in a meager attempt for me to understand completely what he's saying. I do understand him, I just don't trust him.

I pull my hands from his and have to advert my eyes from his own. "Please leave me alone Lucas."

"No," he pleads with an aching voice, "please, forgive me Sadie. I'm so sorry."

"I need time okay? A lot of stuff happened yesterday and I need to sort through it all okay?"

Dejectedly he says, "Okay, I'll be at my house all weekend."

I nod my head in understanding, not really knowing if a couple days will be enough time. He brushes by me, his lips leaving a ghost of a kiss on my cheek.

"Goodbye Sadie," he says with pain in his voice as he walks away from me.

...
Guys I'm so excited for this new book that I'm going to start rewriting. It was called the Prince's Bodyguard but is now called Now and Then and its a futuristic action story and ahhhh! I'm so excited!!!:)