[𝟭.𝟮] 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐑𝐄 ➣ {𝕛•𝕓•𝕓} ❘ [𝖆𝖔𝖚-𝖊𝖌 𝖝 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗 ]

𝟰𝟭┊❛ [𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗸'𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻] ❜┊˚ ͙۪۪̥◌

- ', [𝟤𝟢𝟣𝟪] ꒱ ↷🖇

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDAL IDEATIONS

࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

There are five stages of grief— denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Denial: Y/N couldn't believe that they had lost. She spent the first few days thinking that it was all just a bad dream and she would soon wake up, but she didn't.

Anger: Y/N was angry at herself for not doing more; angry for letting everyone die; angry at herself for not being enough; angry that she didn't die like the others and remained behind. As a souvenir of their failure.

Bargaining: 'There has to be a way, there has to be some way' were the only thoughts running through Y/N's head. Along with Natasha and Steve, she did deep satellite searches and scans, trying to find a trail of breadcrumbs that would lead them straight to Thanos. She would stay up all night, going through their old scan reports to check if they had missed something. Even Bruce caught her twice in the lab at around three o'clock in the morning, rerunning the searches. And to her luck, note the sarcasm, she got nothing.

And now, standing at the top of the Avenger's compound, she knew she was in the second last stage. Depression. Y/N was stuck in stage four. It seemed to branch into five more—Negative thought patterns, poor appetite, irregular sleep patterns, self-blame, and suicidal ideation.

Maybe it midnight or later than that, but it didn't matter. Like said earlier, she barely got any sleep these days. Her overthinking mind and a nauseous guilty feeling kept her awake. Sometimes, she would cry herself to sleep and in others, she would just stare at the ceiling numbly, letting her mind take over her and replay the most painful memories.

After the snap, She had been avoiding everyone. Natasha and Steve tried speaking to her but she merely acknowledged their presence other than during meetings and searches. She spent most of her time alone, in the front yard and gym, where she would keep boxing until her knuckles were bruised and the punching bag ripped.

Y/N walked to the edge and peered down at the ground. What if she jumped? It's not like it's going to hurt, is it? She felt so much at once after the snap that she didn't feel anything at the moment. Maybe it'll be the same. Or maybe she will finally feel something. And then she would be at peace. No pain, no trauma, no nothing.

She let out a heavy sigh. She was just so tired. Exhausted.

Mama, Papa, Alina, Pietro, Wanda, Vision, Sam, Bucky— all gone. She looked down again; it seemed to be a 50 feet fall. If she jumped, will she be able to see all of them on the other side? Maybe. Who would even care if she dropped dead right now? No one; maybe Steve and Natasha. Besides, her existence was just a tiny spot in the universe.