𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄 | B.E

PART 6

006; defeated

katherine's pov

i was slowly losing who i was day by day. i could feel the hunger of a release building up inside me. desperately desiring to drink myself to sleep to never wake up lingered in my mind. the urge to self-destruct has always been an option for me; every day i'm pushed closer to the edge, now that i'm inches away i care less about what happens to me.

growing up i was protected from the evil things in this world but now i'm used to the hurt, to the pain, and to the anger. there's nothing i feared more than my father and his strength. i no longer dreamt of a future nor did i wish for one because of his actions.

this world that i once saw as beautiful turned sick. suddenly exposed to all of its ugliness at once, human beings are cancer to the earth. at this moment in time, i'm realizing how little i cared for life even before all the bad.

the most heart-wrenching fact was that my parents didn't notice how close i was to completely and utterly falling apart. which made my insides curl up since i would bleed out for them, that was the sick part, i'd save them before myself in a life or death situation.

once you let your grief turn into anger it'll stick to you like glue, you will never get that peace back. it floats in the deepest, darkest side of your brain, then when you've hit rock bottom it'll spring up. all that rage you suppressed bubbles up.

much like right now my mind was racing, every negative thought that i'd ever perceived got bigger by the second, and every minute i felt a piece of myself breaking away. i felt so much only to begin to feel nothing at all.

"are you even listening to me?" my mother's voice broke me out of my daze forcing me to glance up at her, "yeah, sorry" i replied blankly so out of it i couldn't even fake a smile.

"why is the kitchen a mess?" she asked, refusing to look at him i heard my father huff in the background.

"um" i stared at my feet trying to remember what happened, "katherine are you high?" my dad questioned with a stern voice.

"no. no i'm not. i'm tired" i explained quickly, "you expect us to believe that? you slept all weekend" he answered raising his voice so easily becoming tempered.

"the police were here. monthly search" i say finally recalling most of what took place, my eyes dart around the room looking for billie. i didn't remember her leaving or my parents even arriving home.

i had lost time so easily that i wasn't even aware of how long i'd been stood here for. i hoped billie climbed out my window again because if they found her within these walls everything would be over for us.

"what have you taken?" my father asked taking a step closer to me. now inches away from me, i could smell his cigarette breath the moment it escaped his mouth.

"nothing?" i replied half eyed, he scoffed at my answer like i knew he would. no one ever believes me especially him.

"then why can you barely keep your head up?" he grunts as his hand moved behind my head, and i knew what he was about to do yet i didn't move a muscle. i couldn't.

he pulled a lock of my hair forcing my chin to tilt up. i stare at him with no emotion, only a blank long glare i wasn't afraid of him anymore. the only thing feared now was that i felt nothing and that's the most dangerous feeling anyone can have.