𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄 | B.E

PART 9

009; endearment

tw: drug misuse

in advance to walking to ana's place, which was surprisingly only a thirty-minute walk, i slipped a pill down my throat. i'd never taken mdma prior to this but due to unfortunate experiences, i knew exactly how it worked. it's used mostly when you're partying to give you more energy to dance and that's exactly what i lacked.

i hoped it would give me a kickstart and it'd make up for all the sleep i've lost the past couple of days. i wanted to make it believable to billie that was in a better mental state; no one dates the sad, boring girl, and being around depressed people isn't exactly fun.

i overthought everything and everyone which lead me to be under the impression that billie could never be with someone like me. not a chance in the world would a beautiful and perfectly happy person date a girl so toxic that it'd hurt them in the process.

so if taking these drugs made me feel better, be a better friend, and prove to her that i don't need fixing then that's what i was going to do. i knew it was incredibly stupid and somehow i knew i'd regret doing this but it was almost impossible to stop myself now.

although right now i only felt tingly, warm, and an increased heart rate yet i believe that was because i was heading to a place i'd never been before and rightfully i became nervous. the only piece of information that i knew of was that ana's father is in a gang. i didn't even know if ana lived with her family or not.

i knocked on ana's apartment door surprisingly hearing loud music blasting through the walls. of course, no one answers since nobody heard a thing so i banged a little harder on the wood assuming this time someone would open the door... and they did.

the entrance creaked open and my eyes automatically locked with the blue-haired girl standing opposite me leaning on the wooden frame with a grin attached to her lips, "hey baby" billie smirked her pupils leaving mine to glance down at my body. as she drank in my appearance she lightly bit her bottom lip then reconnected our eyes only now i saw a glimmer in hers.

"what are you doing here? i thought- me and ana were supposed to be studying for the science exam?" i asked curiously my eyebrows now furrowed. her facial expression switches to a confused stare tilting her head to the side slightly.

"you're not glad to see me?" billie replied somewhat sarcastically, i noticed a few people behind her in their own bubbles of groups with drinks in hand. quickly realizing this was a party my gut instinct told me to run as far as i could.

i was always happy to see her, ecstatic even, but not in these circumstances. i would never be able to recover if billie saw me undergo yet another panic attack. being surrounded by; sweaty, drunk, and dancing teenagers sounded like absolute hell waiting to break loose.

"i am i'm- i mean i can't be here" i elaborated knowing there was alcohol inside. i'd gone this far without it and if i were in the environment there was no stopping me from drinking anything i found. billie knew i struggled with booze and i didn't want to make it awkward for her.

"what? no! please don't leave..." she paused reaching out for my hand. i intertwined my fingers with billie's feeling her cold metal rings touch my skin and i admired how perfectly her hand fit in mine. "come meet my friends" billie begged while pouting out her bottom lip along with sad eyes making the cutest face known to existence.

my head was screaming for me to run. my life was written worst than riverdale, no matter what i did or how i did something it always goes wrong. everything goes wrong, but my heart couldn't say no to her.

"ok" i whispered out causing an excited smile to form on her face as her grip tightened on my hand instantly pulling me inside. before the door even closed i felt a pair of arms wrapping around me tightly. shocked my body jolts back a little then i realized it was ana making me feel so incredibly stupid i wanted to slam my face into the floor.