𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄 | B.E

PART 16

016; shatter me

tw: mentions of self-harm and abuse.

katherine's pov

the way i viewed death was strange, to say the least. normal people see it as the end of the line, a beautiful conclusion after a long-lived life but for me? it was an option if i were incapable of handling the obstacles thrown at me. 

knowing my brain was wired differently it would be harder for me to become sober. as soon as something were to go wrong my first thought is always alcohol and restraining myself from that is going to be the hardest thing i'd ever done. 

but i wanted to try. 

"your hair is in my face" billie giggled getting comfortable beneath the blankets, "sorry" i smiled tying it back into a low ponytail. "i might cut it short" i stated laying on my side facing my bedroom door.

even though i knew my father wasn't home, the fear of hearing his heavy footsteps outside the door lingered in my mind. knowing the only reason he came into my room was to beat the crap out of me.

"why? i love your hair the way it is" she asked curiously, without hesitation i mumbled out my answer too tired to even come up with a lie. "it's harder to grab" i whispered beneath my breath.

her fingers run through strands of my hair for a moment before she gently leaned forward kissing the back of my head. we let the silence fill the room enjoying the quietness, out of all the fighting and crying we'd induced the past couple of days it was extremely nice.

although now i heard nothing at all. which ended up causing my mind to go to places it shouldn't.

"am i a bad person?" i asked, billie laid behind me in bed with her arm over my waist. we had no intention of sleeping anytime soon but i enjoyed the comfort of being in someone's arms. 

"no. why would you ask that?" she replied sounding shocked, i shrugged my shoulders as a sigh escaped my lips. "the only person you've ever hurt is yourself" billie adds, i lean forward switching the lamp on before turning over to face her.

i gaze into her eyes for a moment admiring out heavenly she is, everything about billie made my heartache in the best way possible. "i hurt you" i state feeling the guilt strain my stomach, her brows furrow disagreeing with me.

"you really scared me..." billie explains, "i had no idea what you were doing behind that door" she elaborated sounding extremely hurt. i swallow my bottom lip withholding my tears as i broke our eye contact by tilting my head down.

restraining my cries caused hiccuping sobs to fall out of my mouth, regret was most definitely the worst possible feeling in the world. "i ran out of options to make myself feel better... d-doing drugs and drinking fixes that immediately you know?" i tried my best to explain.

"i understand" she said to my surprise, billie's fingers tilt my chin up slowly then smoothly traces the palm of her hand to hold my jawline. "you do?" i questioned in disbelief and she hums in response.

"even though it's the wrong solution it comforts you... and trust me i know how addicting loving something can be" billie commented sweetly while gently caressing her thumb against my cheek.