𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄 | B.E

PART 18

018; confliction

tw: slight smut, alcoholism, and relapse.

katherine's pov

"i fucking had it!" i exclaimed suddenly aware of how quickly my blood managed to boil during the car ride home. unaware of my strength when i forcefully stormed through my front door i heard it collide with the wall beside it almost creating a dent.

when i dumped my backpack on the sofa i turn around stressfully rubbing my eyes. through my blurred vision, i notice billie entering calmly closing the door behind her. she had been as quiet as a mouse the entire day which made me sense something was wrong.

"halfway through the exam, i hear people whispering, pointing, and laughing at me. they did it so much to the point it was all i could think about" i explained feeling my lips shake with anger as i spoke.

billie simply stands there innocently, barely holding eye contact with me, acting as if she knew nothing. "you know something don't you?" i questioned. i could tell billie was pissed off by the way her jawline tensed up after i asked.

"what makes you think that?" she inquired while lightly shrugging her shoulders. the quietness consumes the room for a moment. the tenderness in the tone of billie's voice worried me i'd never heard her speak so soft before.

that sweet and kind voice someone does to soften the blow of bad news.

"cause you can't even look at me" i state sternly. almost forcing billie to finally connect her eyes to mine.

usually, i received one or two strange glares but today i was in a fishbowl. every single person i walked by their heads cocked toward me. i began coming up with simple solutions to keep my mind at ease until i came to the conclusion that it was most certainly my past.

following me like a shadow as it always did. history repeating itself, before you know it you're bleeding out on the floor dealing with the consequences of your own actions. my paranoia spirals and i guess every bad thing i'd ever done in my life, wondering which part of my toxic choices would hit me next.

"you can tell me... it's okay" i spoke out in a whisper. my heart pulses beneath my ribs scared of every possible outcome. billie's facial muscles relax a little then she shakes her head refusing to explain.

i completely understood why billie didn't want me to know. the tiniest of things have caused me to crumble before so i didn't hold it against her. although i couldn't walk around school clueless.

i needed to know.

"you don't wanna know" billie replied quietly. it's as if we read each other's minds without saying a word regarding the situation we both knew exactly what topic we were talking about.

"whatever it is i can handle it. it's not like things can get any fucking worse" i state beginning to feel enraged again. all i desired was a break, it had been years of pain and now i wasn't even capable of even having a good few hours.

i noticed how billie began protecting me from ugly things the same way my sister did. the worried eyes she gave me scared that if she even mentioned something that might upset me i'd shatter into a thousand pieces.

but nothing could push me over the edge if i'd already been pushed, now i'm digging myself deeper into a pit i knew i would be unable to drag myself out of. unless i used the one thing i had been dependent on for months.