YOU'RE MY COMFORT SHIP💫

BROKEN BUT BEAUTIFUL💔

Dear Diary,
It's been a while since I last talked to you but honestly what's happening in my life is so confusing that I wasn't in mood to share it with you.
Me and Dev are dating since Nine months and this has definitely been a roller coaster ride!!
Earlier we used to love each other's company,we used to enjoy but now it's like he is annoying me... Like literally annoying me!!!
His over-possession for me was cute initially but now it's scary and irritating at the same time.
I can't interact with my co actors cause Dev thinks they're flirting with me....I have to update him everytime I go out that with whom and where I am....
Ufff I wanted to fly but now it seems I'm trapped.Earlier it used to be the happiest feeling for me to enter on set everyday but now I feel WHY GOD WHY???
Cause I've to meet Dev here.... Urghhh!!

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Dear Diary,
So today I got Best Actress Award.... Yahooooooooooo.... Oops the more I'm writing the more I'm screaming currently cause this is what I've been waiting for~My dream turning into reality.
But Dev spoiled my moment.When I was giving thank you speech he scolded me for not admiring him and asked me if I'm ashamed of telling people that I'm dating him and when other actors, directors, producers came to congratulate me or to discuss something about work or for photoshoots, he got angry and left leaving me alone in the function.
This is getting into my nerves now!!
Honestly now I feel I don't even love him cause he isn't the Dev I fell in love with....who used to care for me!!
Now he's just an insecure guy who's jealous of all the success his girlfriend is getting maybe cause he's scared I'll leave him or cause of the age difference we have though i never cared about it but now I care about my dignity and self-respect.
Guess I've to choose between Dev and my happiness....and I'll go with my happiness!!

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Dear Diary,
So I finally broke up with Dev which had several repercussions too.
Dev kicked me out of the show I've been working in since last 1.5 years which is definitely gonna affect my career but fine if I'm out of his possessive love trap!!
It really hurts to see my relationship fail like this cause I loved him from the core of my heart....I neither cared that he's 14 years older than me nor about him being a divorcee.
But his behavior was getting violent day-by-day. He slapped me when I asked him if he's scared that I'll fall for guys of my age.
How could I trust him...?
Honestly now I'm done with this industry and my passion too. I did what I wanted to and it's high time for me leave this world and go back to my normal life. Ofcourse it didn't had my dreams but had peace and happiness and I'd love to be with that.
This is not for me!!

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Dear Diary,
So I'm at my house now....and it wasn't that easy for me to enter here as the way I left with full aggression it was evident that my father isn't gonna allow me inside but with some hope of blood relation I knocked the door when it was Nine at night.
And thanks to my screwed up life my father opened the door and though I was expecting a big tight slap or closing of door right at my face he allowed me inside and sat on sofa as if my there's some hearing going on where My father is the judge and I'm the culprit.
He asked mum to bring some Tea for me as it was cold outside and I was standing there trying to figure out what just happened.
He's not wrong though a cup of tea can actually help me out stabilizing my mind and frame words to present my explanation.
Then he stood up and went towards his room. I don't know why is he so quiet....maybe this is the silence before the storm but I'm not used to it cause from whole journey from my rented house to here I kept preparing myself to handle his long lecture that what he said was right and he won but now he didn't even scolded me.
I haven't talked to him from 1.5 years. Not that I miss him as my father was not warm or fuzzy types. I don't even remember when was the last time we talked normally or did I ever hugged him cause he used to believe that girls should study to get married and just be House wife and when I told him about acting he announced infront of everyone how my wings need to clipped.
Uff I'm used to that behavior how could I tolerate this one.
Why is he not scolding me cause this time I deserve that....I chose something I didn't know anything about just for interest and didn't even bothered to inform him when I got the show, when first episode of my show got aired,when I got award!!
Maybe the reason I got this in return.

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Dear Diary,
So Papa called me finally in morning when I was trying to distract myself sitting in same room as him by having breakfast.
So how are you feeling,he asked in his cold voice.
I'm....I'm good Papa,don't know why I replied this.
So....happy now?? He asked taunting me.
But this time I blabbered everything out maybe cause I've done this since years.... Just kept quiet so this time I didn't even bothered to sugarcoat things.
No Papa I'm not happy.You were right not that I can't do acting but the fact that place isn't for me... I can't survive there, I tried I tried really hard but in the end it doesn't even matter, I replied pouring my heart out.
He came towards me and my legs were literally trembling with fear... Am I getting slapped...No-No please slowly Papa,I kept telling it to myself until he kept his hand on my head saying everything said by parents isn't wrong beta. If it wasn't for acting I'd have been the first person to support you but I knew the dark truth and I wanted to protect you from it. But it's okay you chose to learn from your experiences than my knowledge.
Now take your time and I hope you won't repeat your mistake, saying this he left for office.
And I was having mixed emotions. I was happy that he understood me but I wasn't feeling good that I gave up and now I'm not gonna get another chance to correct my mistake. I was being impulsive and because of that I lost my chance of acting again.
But maybe currently it was right... I wasn't able to handle the pressure and if I wouldn't have done this I regretted that too.
But it was on me to choose which regret is bigger....
And now I'm realizing choosing to come here is disheartening.

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And Karanvir closed the diary again but this time he was happy not that Debattama left her career but for the silly reason of leaving Dev....
So she's not with Dev, I was stressing myself impulsively and then realized getting impulsive do really turns right things wrong.
But Debattama is still a part of this industry that's why she shot that adfilm with me then how did she came back,this question was popping into his mind until he opened the diary again.