The Revenge of HER

Guilt Ridden.

028.

warning; mentions of rape and violence is present.

Lorraine 'Laur' Selepe:

"You don't have to worry and don't you be afraid

Joy comes in the morning, troubles they don't last always

For there's a friend in Jesus, who will wipe your tears away

And if your heart is broken, just lift your hands and say

Oh, I know that I can make it

I know that I can stand

No matter what may come my way

My life is in your hands

With Jesus I can take it

With Him I know I can stand

No matter what may come my way

My life is in your hands

So when your tests and trials, they seem to get you down

And all your friends and loved ones are nowhere to be found

Remember there's a friend in Jesus who will wipe your tears away

And if you heart is broken, just lift your hands and say

Oh, I know that I can make it

I know that I can stand

No matter what may come my way

My life is in your hands

With Jesus I can take it

With Him I know I can stand

No matter what may come my way

My life is in your hands."

The choir hymned soothing words into my heart. I was singing to the last few words of the song and held onto my chest. I was really trying my best to soothe the guilt that tightened my chest and put a threshold on my mental health , I cut myself from Mandisa's shenanigans and plots, I prayed on a daily and went back to work.

I was chosen to be an ambassador for Nivea when I started applying for slots and got them. I even went as far as educating myself about the many forms of abuse there is and how the victims cope. I was a fool to automatically believe that men don't get abused. I had a one on one conversation with a victim on how he's ex-girlfriend killed his whole family and almost killed him, he spoke on how she would always rape him and beat on him, my heart hurt listening to his story. I took time to learn from my mistakes and self criticised myself in a healthy manner.

But my heart ached for another reason, There would be a festival today that Kaygee would be performing at and I wished I could go to support him...but I had to keep my distance and as much as my heart hurt at the thought of never speaking to him again it was okay. I would go to the grave with my secrets and my hearts tales.

Yes. I loved Kgothatso , telling him now wouldn't even benefit me if I said it would. These feelings would just have to be sealed in a bottle and thrown down the abyss to never be found once again.

As I was about to change to the next song on my YouTube playlist , I received a notification from the one person I dreaded to hear from. I contemplated changing my number on many occasions but my procrastination was in the way. Hlogi's name flashed on my screen and taunted my spirit.

"Hi Hlogi."

"You're wasting my time, Kaygee and me are supposed to be performing today but the fact that I can't look him in the face, taunts me, you better fix this you Delilah."