Summer Love - James Worpel

Chapter 3

It's been four days since James sent me that message and I still haven't responded. I feel terrible for not responding but after loads of thinking, I have no idea what to do. 

My heart is telling me to go for it, but my head is thinking logically, knowing that if I do go for it, there's a chance of me getting hurt. And there's no way I will be able to handle getting hurt again. Not after everything that's happened.

I roll out of bed and head downstairs where Em has left a note on the bench. 

Marcus and I have gone out on a road trip for the day, Mya is with us, call or text if you need anything love Em x 

"Road trip, lucky them." I say walking over to the coffee machine, turning it on. 

I guess I am a bit envious of Marcus and Em's relationship and how through everything, they managed to work out. It goes to show that both of them would go to infinity and beyond to try and save their relationship because of how much they love each other. And that, is something that I want. 

Obviously I am super happy for my brother, and for Em, but seeing them so happy just makes me sad because the truth is, I'm alone. And it hurts because for the first time in three years, I feel alone. I hate the feeling. The emptiness I feel, coming home and knowing that no one is waiting for me. Marcus and Em obviously are but, no man is waiting for me. It's like I get home from work and am greeted with my brother and gorgeous sister in law, but there's no one really waiting for me, no one excited to give me hugs and kisses and all the cliché love shit I want to experience again. I want to experience the good times I had in my past two relationships again. Just obviously not a Dunks or Steele. 

But it's kind of hard when you have trust issues and run away from every man that looks in your direction. It's like an alarm goes off in my head that screams danger and I run away. I don't even give them a chance when I know I should, but I'm so scared of getting hurt. So scared to the point where I put my guard up and become a bitch, shutting them out, afraid they're going to use me, or do something to emotionally hurt me. 

Maybe I'm dwelling too much on the past, but Steele cheating on me, and Josh leaving me for his ex, basically squashed all the trust I had in men. But hey, maybe it's third time lucky right? 

I finish making my coffee before I walk over to the couch, taking a seat and turning on the tv, flicking through a couple of channels before I settle on one of the music channels. The news is depressing, and with the mood I'm in currently, I don't need the news to add to it. 

I take a sip of my coffee, enjoying the bitter, but sweet flour dissolve in my tastebuds when the doorbell rings and I groan, placing the cup on the table and slowly making my way over to the front door. 

I yank it open and Ariana stands there smiling. 

"You're here so fucking early." I say and she chuckles. 

"Thought I'd come spend the day with you, so you're not alone." She says, and I smile at her as she takes her shoes off and then makes her way through to the lounge room. 

I shut the door, locking it then making my way over to the couch and taking a seat next to her. 

"So, you have any plans today?" Ariana asks and I shake my head. 

"Nope, was thinking of relaxing today, maybe go in the pool if it warms up later." 

"Good, you need a day where you can relax." She says and I smile. 

"Obviously you came from Caleb's house, that's why you came this early." I say and she sighs. 

"Is it that obvious?"