Self Rival • Completed

xxix. the return

Two more weeks have passed, but Kongpob hadn't given up just yet. He still tried to do everything to comfort Arthit. It's already been a month since Kong left the face of reality but Arthit still didn't look like he'd moved on. He didn't look like he was ready to move on until a year, at least, passed. Arthit always looked worse since the last time Kongpob saw him.  

Either Arthit was only crying in his arms, sobbing over Kong, crying alone, frowning at everyone, or disinterested. Even Bright's and Tutah's comedic duo didn't make him feel happy. Though he gave them a polite smile, it always looked like it lacked. 

Arthit always rejected his friends' invitations to go and take a breath of fresh air, always reasoning that he was busy. Kongpob didn't follow him again, afraid to push Arthit's buttons, but he knew Arthit was busy spending his rest day roaming around on places they usually went to during their rest days. Reminiscing. 

"What if Arthit were doing those things imagining Kong's with him?"

Kongpob felt a shiver in him when Mr. Khan suggested that. "Good lord, I hope not."

Currently, Kongpob was lying on his bed, focused on caressing the photo strip. It's been a month since he last saw Arthit smiling like this. He'd give anything to see this smile again. Arthit's smile now always looked polite than genuine. It was forced than natural. 

Kongpob groaned and tightly closed his eyes, remembering Arthit bursting out on him last night. It was another bullshit happenstance when Kongpob saw Arthit looking lonely. 

Again, Kongpob comforted Arthit. But last night, he didn't know what came into him. Maybe he's done seeing Arthit like it's the end of the world. Maybe he's mad at himself. Maybe he's frustrated that he knew it's only a small percent of chance if Arthit happened to fall for him. 

But he let his mouth do the talking. He didn't think of what he was going to say. He remembered thinking he had a plan to stick to, so he did just that. 

He began badmouthing Kong in front of Arthit and before he knew it, Arthit was pushing Kongpob away from him. Arthit looked the angriest than Kongpob had ever seen him that even Kongpob felt nervous. 

"Leave! Leave me alone! I don't want to see your face again! You are not helping K."

"Arthit... I want to be here for you, it's obvious that you need someone beside you."

"I do need someone, but it's not you. I need Kong."

Kongpob gripped his jaw tight. "I just want to help you," he whispered. 

"This isn't helping me. Your presence isn't helping me. Badmouthing Kong around me won't help me. No matter what you tell me, I will never see Kong like that. I know my Kong, I trust him and your words won't change the fact that I'll only love Kong," Arthit glared at him. "You're not helping me. You're just making everything worse for me."

Kongpob sighed in exasperation. This had been his everyday life. Pacify a guy who can't bring himself to love him. "Well then, tell me, how do I help you?! I just want to help you, Arthit, I can't bear to see you looking like this. I'll do everything to help you."

"You want to help, K? Do you want to see me happy again? Then get me Kong, find Kong for me," Kongpob bit his lower lip. It's the first time Arthit had asked him to look for Kong. 

Arthit looked both desperate and guilty that he had to ask K, a guy who's been with him since Kong left him, but Arthit kept on continuing. "You're rich, right? Then, use your resources. If you didn't want me looking like this anymore, look for Kong. That's the only way to help me."

Arthit gave Kongpob a sad smile. "Kong's the only one who can make me happy again. I'm sorry, K. I don't know why you're still here beside me, but I hope you're not expecting anything from me. I will never love you back. You are not Kong and you can never be him."