The delicate man that capCURED my heart

43 : MISCARRIAGE

KREIA'S POV

My head is spinning when I tried to open my eyes. Masakit sa mata ang nakakasilaw na ilaw galing sa kung saan. It’s like I’m in heaven already, everything was white. But then when I fully opened my eyes, I realized that I was lying on the hospital bed. All alone.

Dahan-dahan akong umupo at pinakiramdaman ang sarili. My breathing is normal, my chest isn’t tight anymore. Pero nahihilo pa rin ako at pakiramdam ko ay pagod na pagod ako.

“It wasn’t her fault, Justin. Ano, mas pinapaniwalaan mo pa yung babaeng ‘yon kesa sa taong mahal mo?” It was Qwyn...and they were talking outside my room.

“Jah, alam namin kung sino ang totoong may kasalanan. Ngayon, ayaw mo ba talagang silipin man lang siya at tingnan ang sitwasyon niya ngayon?” si Gav. “She needs you also” dagdag pa nito.

But then it broke my heart when I heard some footsteps walking away. He’s mad and I don’t know what to do to prove that I’m innocent here. Kahit mga kaibigan namin ay ayaw na rin niyang paniwalaan.

When my friends entered my room they were relieved that I woke up already. Ilang minuto pa ay pumasok na rin ang doctor na nagbigay ng kung anong kaba sa akin. The doctor check my vitals and also asked what I am feeling right now.

“You’re stress and you need some formal rest. Please be careful always, this may lead you to a serious disease.” napasinghap ako dahil sa sinabi ng doctor.

“I suggest to tone down your alcohol intakes or you should stop from now on. Or else...” the doctor added. It was a warning that sent shivers to me.

Serious disease... Mamamatay na ba ako?

“Doc, this happens to her oftentimes. The fainting, abnormal breathing, paninikip ng dibdib...Please tell us what to do to prevent this.” si Qwyn, halatang nababahala na rin.

“Can I talk to the doctor privately?” saad ko na lang bigla habang nakatingin sa kawalan. Ilang saglit pa ay narinig kong bumukas ang pinto hudyat na lumabas na sila Gav at Qwyn.

The silence is very loud after they left. I want to clear some things to the doctor so I’m gonna ask further informations about this thing. This is surely a very serious matter, now I’m really scared...

“Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. I see some signs of symptoms to you... You have to tell your parents about this immediately so we can run some further tests in order to make sure about your health”

Dinaga ang dibdib ko dahil sa karagdagang impormasyon na narinig ko sa doctor. This can’t be, I don’t want this. I don’t want to tell my parents about this too, this may affect them more. May problema na nga dahil sa pag-alis ni ate dadagdag pa ako. Ayokong dagdagan pa ang bigat na nararamdaman nila mommy. I still can get through this all by myself, I can.

Humingi ako ng pabor sa doctor na huwag sabihin kahit kanino, kahit sa mga magulang ko dahil ayokong maapektuhan ang mga taong nasa paligid ko. Though it’s still not sure, wala pang kasiguraduhan ang lahat ng ‘to. Pero kung darating man sa puntong ‘yon, kakayanin kong mag-isa.

“Magpahinga ka muna rito kahit one week lang, Kreia. Wag matigas ang ulo” kanina pa pilit nang pilit sa akin si mommy simula nang dumating sila na magpa-confine ako kahit isang linggo lang pero ayoko.

“Ma, okay na ‘ko. Pagod lang ako, pwedeng-pwedeng ipahinga ‘to sa bahay” sabi ko pa at nag-ayos na ng sarili para makalabas na agad dito.

My friends went home already because I told them that I’ll be out this afternoon. Ewan ko lang kung narito pa sila Jah, balak ko rin sanang silipin ang lagay ni Ysa dahil nag-aalala ako.

“Mauna na kayo ni daddy sa labas, my. May sisilipin lang ako saglit” paalam ko pa bago naglakad sa kung saan.

After walking a little bit, I saw Justin sitting on a chair. He was leaning on the wall while closing his eyes. It was probably Ysa’s room behind him.

I was about to approach him when a doctor went out in that room. Justin stood up immediately to talk to that doctor.

“Are you the boyfriend? Your girl almost had a miscarriage but luckily the baby held tight and is safe now”

Tumalikod ako agad at nagtago sa likod ng pader. My tears were already pooling beside my eyes, what did I just fucking heard? A baby? Is Ysa pregnant? Kaya ba ganon na lang ang galit ni Justin sa akin? Kasi muntik nang makunan si Ysa?

I didn’t wait for Justin’s response to the doctor because I already walked away. Nakayuko akong lumabas ng hospital dahil tuloy-tuloy ang pag-agos ng mga luha sa mata ko. I held on my chest because it’s beginning to tight again.

When I was nearing daddy’s car, I wiped my tears secretly and hopped in the backseat. Pumikit ako agad at nagkunwaring matutulog para hindi halatang galing ako sa iyak. Saka ko na ibubuhos lahat kapag nagkulong na ako sa kwarto.

I don’t want to jump into conclusions, ayokong mag-isip ng kung ano pero sadyang traydor ang mga luha ko. I trusted him since day one... Now it’s starting to subside. But there’s still a part of me that gives me hope, na hindi maaari dahil hindi kayang gawin ni Justin sa ‘kin ‘yon.

Ilang araw din kaming hindi nag-usap pagkatapos ng mga nangyari. Ni wala akong balita sakanya at kay Ysa. I didn’t even browse on my social media accounts for a week now. I am just too lazy and all that I ever did was to lock myself in my room all the fucking time. Lalabas lang kapag kakain. My parents thought that I was really having my formal rest.

They doesn’t know that I was crying myself to sleep every night. Drinking beers sometimes to ease my pain, pampaantok na rin. But then I was really controlling myself when it comes to liquors, natatakot din naman ako dahil nagbigay na ng babala ang doctor.

Hindi ko na namalayan na sa paglipas ng mga araw ay magpa-pasko na pala. I was not really feeling well after all not until one day, Keanne went up to my room and asked me if I could help him decorate our living room.

Pagbaba namin sa sala ay nakatayo na ang mataas at kulay puting Christmas tree. My brother seems pretty excited so I smiled. My mood lightened a bit because of him, Keanne was really everyone’s mood setter. No one can deny it.

“Here’s some Christmas balls, ate” he handed me some and he started to put things on the tree already.

We were talking and laughing from time to time, natutuwa ako sa kabibohan nitong kapatid ko nakakagigil. Sobrang cute. Halos isang oras din naming inayos ang Christmas tree dahil sa taas ba naman nito ay matatagalan talaga sa pag-aayos.

I also put some Christmas lights on the walls to make our sala more attractive.

“Keanne, put your socks under the Christmas tree na dali. Santa Claus will give you something on the 25th” I told my brother and he followed what I said.

“And we’re done na, ate. You can stop pretending now that you’re really happy... because you’re not”

I was taken aback by his statement. How can a six years old talk like this?

“Keanne...” nanubig bigla ang gilid ng mga mata ko.

“Shh, at least I lightened up your mood, a bit?” He chuckled. “I love you” he came closer to me and gave me a real tight hug. This is what I wanted.

Comfort.

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