My Best Friends Brother

Chapter 33

Charlie and Han invited me for dinner, well less invited and more told me if I didn’t turn up then Charlie was going to egg my house with portions of fried rice.

I always like their place whenever I visit here. Hans family escaped to the US from Korea when he was a toddler, they arrived with almost nothing but built a world for themselves despite all the odds. The true American dream. You can see small touches of his culture in every room of the house, tapestries and ornaments that just give a little nod to the fact he hasn't forgotten his roots.

He’s so different from Charlie but I guess that’s why they work so well. Charlie is the eclectic one, always running around like a butterfly that just got its wings. Han is more mellow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen the guy raise his voice. Charlie’s lucky to have him, if for nothing else than the fact he makes probably the best food I’ve ever eaten in my life.

“Girl, you better finish that. My man didn't slave over a stove all day so you could load your damn plate up like that then forget half of it. Get it down you, your skinny ass could use the calories.”

Funny, considering Charlie is basically a stick insect with ginger hair and extra attitude.

“How’s everything with the agency? Have they found you another surrogate yet?”

Charlie looks at Han, the sorrow in his eyes telling me they are no further ahead than they were the last time I was here. They've been let down a lot, three placements have fallen through in the last year alone.

They are both trying to stay positive but I can tell that this is taking a toll on both of them. It kills me that people like Chrissy can shove out kids whenever they feel like it and not give a shit about them afterwards, but people like these two that would give a kid the whole world, are the ones that struggle to start their family.

I know they’ve both talked about adoption but just don't feel it's the right path for them, which is fair enough. People talk about adoption like it's so easy when it really fucking isn’t. You have to be prepared for so much, not everyone is equipped for that.

There was a time when I actually thought I might find myself in their position one day, but as the years go on, with each passing one I realise I’m getting further and further away from that dream. Whether it's surrogacy or adoption, that shit takes time. Time I’m running dangerously low on.

It’s not just women that have biological clocks I swear.

“Not yet, they've got another possibility for us to meet this week but I’m trying not to think about it too much.” Han reaches across the table and takes Charlie’s hand in his, bringing it to his lips with a delicate kiss. “We’ve been burned too many times to consider otherwise now.”

Al lent me a book once where werewolf dudes could get pregnant, if that was this world then Charlie would be on kid ten by now.

My phone lights up, just another email from Brie about those fucking centrepieces. Doesn’t she realise yet that I genuinely couldn't care less? I’ll respond as I always do, a single smiley face that she knows really means leave me the fuck alone. Not that she’ll listen, I’ll still have three more to look at by the time I get home.

As I send the message, I see the five different text drafts I’ve written over the last twenty-four hours to send to Miles. I know I should’ve sent something to him by now I just can’t think of what the fuck to say. Everything I write either seems stupid, too much, or not enough.

At this point I’m scared I’ve left it too long, I should have said something, anything, to him last night. I was just so caught up in Liam, my head wasn’t in the right space to be talking with a guy I actually really fucking like.

Doesn’t mean I miss him any less though. Sitting at my desk in work after the meeting today, all I kept doing was staring at that fucking basketball he bought me and thinking about all the ways I could possibly see that guy again. I just want to hear his fucking voice.

“Oi sugartits!” Charlie snaps his fingers in front of my face, breaking me from the glorious fantasy that just began in my mind. I fucking hate him right now... I swear this would all be much easier if I’d never seen Miles without his top on... or felt his lips... or had his hands on my body... Fuck, now I can’t think of anything else.

“What the hell has got you so smiley?”

I know I can’t tell Aleah and Brie, I obviously can’t tell Jayce, and I’d never want to make Steve hide something like this from his woman...

But I have to tell fucking someone... I can’t keep the way the guy makes me feel in any longer. I just want someone to know how fucking incredible he is, how happy I was with him last week and how fucking terrified I am now. I need some fucking help here.

I know of all people Charlie would never judge me. There’s an age gap between him and Han, not a nearly ten year one like with us but almost seven isn't that far away.

There’s no way I can keep this shit all inside my head, it's going to make me explode. Besides, I need him to tell me what the fuck to say so I can see Miles again.

“Charlie, if I tell you something, can you promise not to screech like a new season of drag race just hit Netflix?”

Han has never been one for gossip, noticing the shift in the room he starts to clear up the dishes and makes his way to the kitchen. Charlie however hasn’t taken his mascara coated gaze off me.

“Oh damn lady, what did you do? Do you need a lawyer?”

Fuck, I hope not. Although if Jayce ever finds out I might need a surgeon.

Taking a deep breath, I try to steady the nerves rushing through me. I know Charlie can come across as the super over the top flamboyant guy, but he's actually been through hell and back. It’s all a cover for his own trauma.

He jokes about it now but his parents reaction to him coming out couldn't have been further from my own. They sent him to places, bad fucking places. The kind of places that ends up with boys like him tying a noose around their neck to escape. He hasn’t told me too much about what happened there, but the things he did tell me were enough to make me fucking sick.

Now he’s out and proud, but he spent a long time really hating his own skin. I know of all the people in my life, he’ll understand the fight going on within me right now.

“You remember Milo right, the guy that came to my office that day? The one I went to the camp with?”

Charlie picks up a napkin from the table, dipping it in his ice water dabbing it all over his fucking neck whilst using his hand as a fan. Maybe I did overestimate his ability to not be so fucking Charlie about this situation.

“Do I remember him? Queen, he's been my visual fantasy for the last fortnight. The things I could do to that boy...”

Han's laughter from the next room is a reminder as to how lucky Charlie is to have found a guy who accepts him for who he is like this. They hadn’t been together very long when Charlie started out at the company, apparently his reaction to seeing me for the first time was similar to the one he’s having now so Han hated me on principle for a while there, now he’s just used to this behaviour. He knows Charlie would never actually cheat on him, he loves him too fucking much.

Charlie calms and turns to face me, now in full analytical stance as he runs his eyes across every inch of my face.

“Oh my God, you didn't. Please tell me you did not corrupt a poor little cherub before I had the chance.”

I know I’m smirking when I really shouldn’t be, but as Charlie springs up from his seat and sends the chair flying to the floor I realise all hopes I had of him not being overly dramatic are well and truly gone.

“Joshua Elmo Jones!” That’s not my fucking name, and I’m going to kill Aleah for telling him it is. “You have been sitting in my house for nearly an hour and didn't think this was essential information? Where are your damn priorities?! Damn it child! Dish, now!”

I tell him everything, from the moment in my office all the way to the kiss on the balcony. Even Han can’t stay away, making a pot of tea and serving it to each of us as they listen to my tale intently. By the time I get to Miles running out of the house and kissing me goodbye in the car, Charlie was making those same eyes he does when he makes me watch The fucking Notebook.

“Oh Holy Liza Minnelli... What did he say when you called him? Did he come over last night? This is so fucking cute, it's like one of those trashy romance films you watch at Christmas on the Hallmark Channel.  We could call it - How to get a gay in ten days!”

I grin smugly. “It only took me seven.”

Han bursts out laughing but Charlie looks less than impressed.

“Fine bitch, you’re a quick mover. Seriously though, what did he say when you called?”

Yeah, this was the bit I’ve been dreading. Scratching the back of my neck awkwardly, it turns out I didn’t actually need to say the words as an egg roll smacks me straight in the face after being hurled from Charlie’s hand.

“ YOU HAVEN'T CALLED HIM YET?!”

Oh crap.

I quickly try to defend myself but it’s no use as a second, third then forth egg roll smashes into me, my shirt now covered in sweet chilli sauce. Han doesn’t even seem bothered that his beautiful Chinese cuisine is going to waste over his carpet, quietly drinking his tea and smiling at his banshee husband.

Fighting off another roll-based attack, I raise my arms in surrender when I realise Charlie is eyeing up the spare ribs as his next assault weapon.

“I didn’t know what to say! I had a load of shit taking Liam home yesterday, then I just kept writing and rewriting the messages until I fell asleep. I mean, what do I even say to the guy? Hello?”

Han finally says something, realising that he probably found himself in this position when he met Charlie too.

“He’s right firework, it’s not as easy for him. When things first started happening with us, I used to sit for hours before I could bring myself to send you even a good morning message. When you’re the older guy, there’s the assumption that you will take the reins, that you will make all the decisions. Sometimes the personality of the guy you're with doesn’t fit that mould.” He smiles softly at Charlie. “I should know.”

There seems to be a moment of understanding in Charlie’s rainbow head. He finally looks at me with just the tiniest amount of compassion.

“Fine. You need to do something though, the guy kissed you and told you to call him, then you fucking disappear. He’s probably freaking the fuck out right now, I know he clearly has some shit to figure out but does he even have anyone to talk to about it? If nothing else, he needs you for that.”

Shit.

He’s right, I want to see Miles but he might actually need to see me.

“Okay, what the fuck do I say? The last time we spoke I almost asked him out on a fucking date!” Let’s not mention I didn’t complete that question because we were interrupted by his mum...

Staring at the screen in front of me, I swipe away all my drafts and just stare at his number. The photo attached to his contact is so fucking cute, it’s even better than the ones on his Instagram I was gawking at during lunch.

Yes, I’m a fucking stalker now.

Charlie ponders on my question before answering.

“You should just keep it casual, the guy has only dated girls so he's probably never been asked on a date before. Don't go straight in with something like that, maybe just see if he wants to hang or something? You could meet somewhere or just get him to come to yours for a movie? Something chill. You don't need to scare the chicken more than you probably already have.”

A movie. We could do a movie.

Alone.

At my place.

Why is my heart beating like it’s about to spring from my fucking chest at the idea of being alone with him?

“For fucks sake, pass it here.”

The ginger ninja manages to snatch my phone straight from my hands, the moment I realise I’m not getting that phone back before he sends whatever he’s typing I dive across the table at him, he sees me coming and makes a run for the bedroom.

Oh I will fucking get you..

Han doesn’t even attempt to stop me as I practically hurl my entire body into his husband, just sitting there drinking his tea and smirking at us.

“Give it back you fucker! I don’t trust what you’ll fucking say!”

I manage to get a grip on him, Charlie hitting the floor but still scrambling with his hands and legs to try and make it to the bathroom before I can pin him down.

He squeals like a little pig between snorted laughter, still typing away like I’m not twice his size and crushing him trying to get that phone back.

“Too late.”

Oh fuck. I swear if he’s sent him something that sounds like it came off a desperate Grindr bio I will shave his fucking head.

Loosening my hold, I take my phone from his hand and climb up to sit at the edge of their bed. I can’t even bring myself to read what he sent, the embarrassment is already threatening to eat away at my soul.

Please fucking respond... and maybe don’t think I’m as much of an idiot for you as I am...

“Josh, you know you aren’t doing anything wrong by liking this beautiful man, yeah? You can't help who you fall for in this world babe, it kind of just happens to you...  If any of this fear is rooted in some sort of guilt, you have to stop it. You deserve to be happy, probably more than anyone else I know.”

I know he means well, but guilt isn’t something you can just let go of in an instant... If they all knew what I did, they wouldn't all think I deserve happiness. They’d all hate me.

“I know.” I quickly stop sliding my phone through my fingers and look up at him, of course he is already distracted by his own reflection in the mirror at this point. “You guys won’t tell anyone though, right?”

Charlie shakes his head profusely.

“Never. I’m not going to out the kid, he gets to decide that nobody else. You know we’re both here for you, whenever you, or even he, needs us. This is a safe space for either of you if you ever need it.”

How are these two not dads yet?

My phone beeps in my hand, my heart rate spiking so suddenly that the thing falls from my grasp straight to the carpet.

Oh shit...

Charlie picks it up, swiping the screen and checking the message before I get a chance to stop him. I need to fucking know, my heart can’t fucking take this.

Just as I’m ready to welcome myself back to alone-forever-avenue, a wide set grin spreads across his face.

“Bitch, you better make me chief bridesmaid at your guys wedding because we both know that Brie girl will only steal attention anyway.”

Tossing my phone back into my lap, my shaking limbs pick up the screen and finally read the messages.

‘Hey, movie at my place Saturday night?’

Miles’s response is short, but so fucking perfect it makes every dead part of me suddenly elevate back to life.

‘Can’t wait..’

Saturday. Saturday is good. Maybe by then my heart will have remembered how to fucking beat again.

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